I have a shitty, shitty cold, and to what I feel should be my immense credit, have only stayed home sick one day this week. This is mainly due to the fact that I need to leave work early on Friday to go to Pebble Beach, which is less noble than, say, having an amazing work ethic. My co-workers wish I'd stay home. After my 637th sneeze today, Bill said, "That's it. I'm done. No more God bless yous."
I'm so sick of being sick, I'm doing the angry sneeze. Resentful of having to stop to sneeze, I kind of scream it out, along the lines of, "AAAAA-CHOOOOOO MOTHERF*CKER."
I did a little research today on the best over-the-counter cold medicines and went to Walgreens after work to buy them all. I got DayQuil, NyQuil, some sort of abusive nose spray, and cough drops. I forgot to buy fancy Kleenex, so I'm blowing my nose into cheap toilet paper and the results are not pretty. But most importantly, I made an incredible discovery at Walgrens.
Obviously, I didn't just buy medicine. While at Walgreens, I also bought make-up, face stuff, and snacks. This is how I discovered Walgreens "Nice!" brand Fudge Mint Cookies. People, these are Thin Mints.
They're like $2 and available year round. The Girl Scouts are running a racket.
Here are some other things I figured out this week while being sick:
1. The Mindy Project is an amazing and hilarious show, but it is becoming clear that every couple of episodes, a different actor is fired, like its a reality show and people are getting voted off.
2. Murder She Wrote has some serious storyline issues. I am speaking specifically about Season 3's Episode 3, "Unfinished Business." But in watching like, six episodes over the past week, Murder She Wrote has a lot of really convoluted storylines. I ended a lot of episodes screaming, "Wait, what?" at my laptop.
3. One of my neighbors is learning to play jazz flute. I am completely serious. It sounds like the wedding scene from Wet Hot American Summer ALL THE TIME.