Monday, March 25, 2013

here come the tiaras...

First of all, today's Tourist Trapped is up! Check out Tighe and my visit to the San Francisco Conservatory of Flowers over on SFGate.

I wore a hat to the Conservatory. Because I'm going through a CHAPTER IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW where I've decided to be true to myself, own who I am, subscribe to O Magazine, etc. This means that I now wear hats. Hats are the kind of thing women buy because other women and gay men love women in hats. Stright men do not historically enjoy a woman in a chapeau. However, listening to the opinions of straight men has never really gotten me anywhere, and Big Chris will make fun of me no matter what I wear, I decided to rock my hat yesterday.

When Tighe met me in front of the Conservatory, he said, "I saw you from a distance and I just had to take a moment because there you were, in that fabulous hat and sunglasses, waiting for me." But all day long, I could feel that hat on top of my head, standing out, looking very Buena Vista Social Club. I only grew more self-conscious as the day wore on, when I met my friend Alice in Chinatown for photography and shopping.

"Oh! A hat!" She beamed, hatless. "I just love it." Alice knows that, unless you are Andie MacDowell in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral," a woman in a hat needs constant reassurance. While in Chinatown, I bought a silk nightgown for $30. And today, once again inspired to be fashion forward and sartorially honest, I chose to wear this nightgown as a dress to work.

I work almost exclusively with straight men, men who are very comfortable saying things like, "What the fuck are you wearing today?" On the front of this nightgown is a dragon. On the back are lots of Chinese characters, which as my co-worker Carlos pointed out, "could very well say 'Kick Me.'" The more I walk around in this thing, the more it static clings and shows off the stripper bruise I got from walking into a coffee table. The more I sit, the more wrinkled it gets. I am starting to feel really, really awkward in this dress!

As tonight is Porchlight Open Door (you should come!) I needed reassurance that I shouldn't run down to the Gap and buy jeans and a blouse to wear. I got my co-worker Gregg to take a photo, which I then texted to Brock, who described my experimental looks as "a dramatic departure."

It's only going to get weirder. My sponsor's 'suggested' I take a hiatus from dating. Which means I can finally wear my sequined blazer, my full length kimono, and my wigs...


Seana said...

I love wearing hats. Hats are cool. They make you look very hip. I think you should wear hats more often. I LOVE the dragon dress/nightgown. You look fantastic in it and the first thing I thought when I saw the picture was "I wish I could wear clothese like that". I hope Torchlight went well.

Anonymous said...

Beth? Hats? Of course!!

Have you spent any time in The Hat Box in Mill Valley? You'd have an awesome adventure in there. I've bought a few chapeaus from them but, truth be known, every time I cross their threshold I wish I was a woman. u.t.