Wednesday, May 30, 2012

crashing the 1% singles ball (on video!)...

First of all, Melissa Griffin (aka: my best friend) is the brand new star of 'Mondays with Melissa' on KPIX. That's right. Mel gets her own weekly morning segment on the very TV station I get to work for. She gets branded, did a photo shoot, the whole nine yards. Again, this all happens where I work. It's like, an embarrassment of riches.
Since Mel is obviously the brains of this operation, brains that get on CBS, I will continue to do the goofy stuff. One of the reasons Necessary Conversation has been on hold is because we didn't want dumb wig-photoshop jokes to hinder Mel's meteoric rise. 
So... I managed to rope my old partner, Beth H. into reprising "The Beths: We Go Out So You Don't Have To." We attended something called, "The 1% Singles Ball" and filmed the whole thing. 
We had so much fun, we plan to do this monthly. If you are a rich person, please pay for our expenses, because I kinda claimed that was a possibility. I will do this for free forever because, as you can see, it was really fucking weird. 
I posted it on SFGate for today's Culture Blog, complete with a recap. But just for you, here's the video. I really, really hope you like this...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

"why are you dressed like a middle-aged housewife..."

Last night, Big Chris took me to dinner at Southpaw, a very hipster BBQ place on Mission. We ate brisket and hushpuppies of what I deemed "prison trays." I think Chris can sense when I need him to be nice to me. He paid for dinner, he let me drive his fancy car (so he could drink) and we came home and watched 'The Killing.'
One of the reasons I think it's so rare that Chris is nice to me is because when he is super nice, I make a really big deal about it. I can't shut up.
"Oh my God, you are being nice today! Is today a nice day? Oh shit, I need to milk this. Can we watch a Queen Latifah romantic comedy? Will you change the lightbulb out back? Now is the part where you listen to all of my feelings!"
I can't help myself. I think it's so funny that he's willing to put up with this QUARTERLY that I need to see how far I can take it.
Will he take out the recycling? Will he help me move furniture? Will he sing me a song?
"Fine. What song do you want me to sing?"
"I want you to sing 'Moves Like Jagger' by Maroon Five."
"Forget it."
"I want you to sing 'Rumor Has It' by Adele."
"Okay."
And he did. I told him that my mother's greatest fear is that he and I will get married. I love saying this to Chris because it elicits a thrilling range of conflicted reactions.
"First of all, I will never marry you. I'm not insane and I am already a U.S. citizen. Second of all, your mother would LOVE it if we got married. I am a gainfully-employed sports-fan. That would be like, her dream coming true."
Finally, to cap of this incredibly rare night of Big Chris being awesome, he had a brilliant observation about The Killing:
Rosie's death and the old case that sent Linden to the looney bin (the first time) ARE RELATED.
Could it be? Historically, Chris is pretty good (and pretty annoying) about correctly shouting out the name of the killer halfway through the movie. At this point in The Killing, I feel like options have been exhausted. It's not Billy Campbell. It's not the inappropriate teacher. I'm sick of Mitch's road trip back in time. I'm over the Polish Mafia. This whole Indian Casino/evil police chief is getting a bit ridiculous. Like, you just can't beat people up and have them institutionalized because they were trespassing. This was all covered in The Changeling.
If Rosie Larsen were watching The Killing, she'd be like, "Uh. Forget it. I don't care anymore. I'm going to fly with the monarchs."
So for all of our sake, I hope Chris is right, and we are nearing a conclusion. Also, I look forward to a backwards-day evening with Big Chris again in 3-4 months...

Monday, May 28, 2012

my home upon the hill, i find i love you still, i've been away, but now i'm back to tell you...

I can do one thing really, really well.
And that is pick friends.

What a special, rooftop night.
Shit.
I can't wait for the 100th...

Sunday, May 27, 2012

happy birthday, golden gate...

Today is the 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge!
I have two good GGB stories for you. Here they are:
Twenty-five years ago, my father was a member of the Golden Gate Bridge Board of Directors. He got all kinds of crazy perks, like free t-shirts from our sister city in Shanghai, and he knew all the toll takers, which I found very cool..
My father served on the Bridge Board for ten years, including during the 50th Anniversary celebration. And turns out, he was the big party pooper. Everyone else wanted to shut down the bridge for a whole day, and throw a big soiree mid-span. My dad thought this would be a big disaster, he was all worried about traffic, and he was the ONE vote on the entire board in opposition of a huge party.
So. Embarrassing.
He was right, or so the story goes.


I have no idea. I was nine when this all went down. But I remember two things:

1. My parents, my brother Alex, and my dad's folks (Nonie and Da) all walked from Nonie and Da's house in the Marina to the Golden Gate Bridge. We went into that toll booth office building on the side of the bridge, which is where the GGB board meets. We all stood on the balcony, and I vaguely recall Dianne Feinstein trying to be nice to me. My mother's plan was that we would walk across the bridge, but by the time we set out, the bridge had actually flattened out. Normally, it curves into a little hill in the middle. SOOO many people were walking across it that day, the whole bridge flattened out. I remember my mother looking at my father and tersely indicating there was no way any of us would be walking, lest the whole thing collapse. And also, he might want to confer with some folks about that whole flattening thing.

2. Nonie and Da eventually walked my mother and brother back to their house (right by the Palace of Fine Arts.)
I was 9 years old. I stayed with my father. He and I sorta stood around with the other board members, press folks, and other mucky mucks. All of a sudden, a man started talking to my father and I remember him saying, "Oh. Really? Yes. Yes, we will."
He looked down at me.
"Bethy! Quick!"
My father grabbed my hand and pulled me into a weird old car. Apparently, someone wildly important didn't make it in time, and my father and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. The Golden Gate Bridge, which had been shut down for the big party, would re-open with six vintage 1937 cars cruising across the bridge. By sheer luck, we happened to end up in the 6th car.
I have a lot of special moments with my dad, but I remember being in one of six vintage cars driving across the Golden Gate Bridge on the 50th Anniversary, and we weren't even supposed to be there.
My dad locked fingers with mine and kissed my hand.


Nine-year old me is in the car closest. And that was 25 years ago yesterday...

*I found this photo here.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

let's take a long walk, around the park after dark...

I am doing AIDS Walk this year!
I've been all lame and busy with work and stuff. (And by stuff, I mean inappropriate men.) I'm back, and I'm all riled up. Hence, I am roping my family (both parents and only sibling!) and friends into joining my team for 2012's AIDS Walk. If you're willing to tolerate a lot of griping, please join our wacky team!
We are Team Muffin Top, after my co-captain Sally's godfather, who died from HIV-related illness 20 years ago. She called him "Muffin."
And obviously, if you can afford to donate anything, that would be amazing.
Grey Cloud kinda threw it down by sponsoring me for $100. I had to promise to walk an extra mile, tho.
Anyway, it feels good to put effort into something positive for strangers. Also, as a former Development professional, I feel like I have a responsibility to raise a decent amount of money.
It's for AIDS, folks. AIDS.
You can join TEAM MUFFIN TOP or donate HERE.

Tomorrow's Culture Blog is a review of 'The Gavin Newsom Show', so please stay tuned...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

this isn't the zodiac speaking...

Jesus CHRIST, I have been a slacker on the blog lately. My apologies. I've been working on a huge project at work, but that is no excuse!

Anyway, I just got some super exciting news. My old pal, Beth H. who co-created "The Beths: We Go Out So You Don't Have To" series, has agreed to team up with me to cover the MOST IMPORTANT EVENT ever to come to San Francisco. I will be amazed if you can guess what this is, but we film next weekend. And if the subject is any indication, this will be an extraordinary 5 minute segment. I'm excited to cover an event with video again, as Mel and I are still trying to figure out how we want to jazz up Necessary Conversation. We sit around and talk about it all the time, we just never end up doing it. (Heh.)

Now, my thoughts on that former cop claiming he knows who the Zodiac Killer is, apparently a 92-year old living in Fairfield. And as reported today, he died in February anyway.

Here's why I think this is probably bullshit:

1. The whole conspiracy theory seems a little too soap opera-y. Apparently, the suspect was never pursued because his WIFE was having an affair with a local judge. While that might explain some of the Zodiac's obvious anger towards women, any profiler worth their FBI windbreaker can tell you this guy was a single loner who could never really succeed with women. There are exceptions to this rule, of course. See; BTK. 

2. This retired cop just looks like he doesn't know what he's talking about. He may very well, but he looks a little too full of himself. And he's been sitting on this "knowledge" for years while thinking he knows the secret identity of a very violent serial killer. Apparently, the Zodiac Killer has been working in real estate this whole time.

3. I am biased by both Robert Graysmith's theory (and David Fincher's incredibly good movie), but I still think the likeliest answer is Arthur Leigh Allen. So, he didn't lick his own envelopes or stamps. Although with no knowledge of future DNA possibilities, it would be weird for him to know to do this. Maybe he had one of those wet sponges, like old ladies have. I don't know. But the spooky circumstantial evidence around that guy is tough to overlook.

4. If the 92-year old apparent Zodiac Killer died in 2012, we can estimate he was born in 1920, which would mean he began his killing spree at the ANCIENT (for serial killers) age of 48. None of the witnesses who saw Zodiac described anyone that old.

5. I know, I know. I've...I've got some issues.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups...

The final fabulous installment of Beach Blanket Babylon's legedary moments series up up! This week, John and I look back on the 25th Anniversary Show. Almost as thrillingly, I was arraigned in court yesterday and PLED GUILTY to making an illegal left-hand turn. My criminal tale is up now, on today's SFGate Culture Blog...

Monday, May 07, 2012

by classic rock, they mean bon jovi...

This week's Tourist Trapped takes a RocketBoat ride. Along for this thrilling 30-minute speedboat ride set to "classic rock" was my dear and adorable friend, Tighe. Our thrilling adventure is up now, on SFGate...

Sunday, May 06, 2012

i fully intended to go to target today...

I feel like I have so many things to say.

The first of which is, Wednesday's Culture Blog went up Thursday, much to the confusion of my parents. Here's the link to me Crashing a Hoarders Convention.

Secondly, I discovered these great workout pants that make you look WAY thinner. They're called Marika "Miracles" and I am telling you, it's a game changer. I got them at Ross. I just emailed my mom, because if she really loved me, she would buy me more of these.

Today I did one of my most fun Tourist Traps yet! It'll be up tomorrow.

I have to contest a moving violation on Tuesday. In court. So that's going to be awesome.

And I saw the most wonderful documentary: Jiro Dreams Of Sushi. Tara convinced me to see it, and we had an amazing time. I love my movie nights with Tara. We dress up, we spend too much on a 10 o'clock dinners, we say things like, "The cinematography was gripping!"
Last week, I was having dinner with MB (I know, right?) and I nervously recommended it to him.
"Oh, I've heard!" He said. "Everyone's talking about it.."
I felt SO cool...


Wednesday, May 02, 2012

take a right on that short pier and keep going...

Please forgive my sparse postings. Oh boy, so much.
I was on my way to meet my father for lunch today. I'd arranged this little get together because I wanted Dad and his friend Ron to meet my friend Matt, as I decided they'd all be fast friends.
We decided to have lunch at Wayfare Tavern, and as I was walking over from work, a middle aged gentleman asked me, "Do you know how to get to Montgomery and Sacramento?"
"Where are you going, exactly?" I asked.
"Wayfare Tavern."
God. What is the protocol on this? I don't want to walk with a stranger for 5 blocks. Obviously, with certain strangers I would walk the ends of the Earth. This was not one of those strangers.
But if I gave him directions, then hung a block back, he would have obviously seen me there. I would be the woman who was going the same place as him, but chose to say, "Um, just head west-ish."
I had to confess we had the same destination.
"That's funny." I said. "I'm going there too."
The MIDDLE-AGED man nervously paused and said, "Oh. That is funny. I'm actually early. I might walk around. But it's this way, you say?"
He didn't want to walk with me. It was all I could do to say, "I almost shut that invite down, gramps. But I am trying to be a nice person. I am, amazingly enough, super interesting. But whatever, WWII baby. Head east for all I care."
I did not say that. No one ever really says that.

In other (and perhaps related) news, my co-worker Bill has a theory that I am "into bald guys." For two years now, I have sat nearest Bill and shared my thoughts with him throughout the day. The poor guy gets my dumb commentary on life for 9 hours, 5 days a week. As a result, he has developed a well-documented theory that I am "into bald guys."
When pressed, Bill has confessed that he has been keeping a tally of my apparently approving comments about bald dudes. It should be noted, we are big Dr. Phil watchers. And I frequently remark, "I would sleep with Dr. Phil."
I stand by that.
Apparently, it doesn't end there.
"Oh yeah. Anytime you see a bald security-guard type, you say, 'He's cute.' You have a thing for bald authority figures."
While this is news to me, I am okay with it. I feel like I say, "He's cute" all the time. I like men in general. But according to Bill, it's been a non-stop gushfest over Det. Elliot Stabler, Elliot Spitzer, and Skinner from the X Files.

Finally, here's my Tourist Trapped from Monday.

Today's post with be up tomorrow (I crashed a Hoarding Convention), and this week's installment of Beach Blanket Babylon's Beach Nuts has arrived. Here's Part 4: The very touching Scholarship Awards:

 

This series ends next week. So, you know, you're almost done.