I was getting my nails done today (I hate the term mani-pedi), and a woman walked in, requesting the same thing. She was seated next to me on one of those big spa chairs that massage you while a stranger touches your feet.
She looked at me for a second, leaned over and said, "You're Beth, right? With the blog?"
All I could think was, this only ever fucking happens when I am fucking alone. And it never, ever happens. I wanted to hug her.
Instead I buried my beaming, thrilled face and said, "Um... yeah."
She announced to her friend that I am very funny and write a blog on the internet. I felt immense pressure to be very funny, but instead responded by being quiet and unsure of what to do. Thankfully, this woman with questionable taste in blogs was very chatty and started asking me all sort of things.
"How do I make money, what am I writing next, how is my girlfriend..."
In my head, it was like when in 'Pee Wee's Big Adventure," Pee Wee Herman walked into the biker bar. The music scratched off, all heads turned. My what?
I just stared at her for a beat too long.
"Your girlfriend Melissa!"
Pause. Pause. Pause.
I said, "She's good!" And then we chatted about Melissa. Just chatted. Who cares if someone thinks Mel and I are dating? Not me, certainly. Technically, we ARE in a committed relationship. There would be nothing wrong with us falling madly in love. Ever. Maybe she meant 'girlfriend' like Eve is my girlfriend or Sally is my girlfriend. Either way, whatever. I don't give a shit. The nice and awesome thing was that this woman has come across Mel and me online, read our stuff and liked it.
My God, that's amazing.
So we continued chatting. We moved on, to subjets different from my girlfriend and how she's doing. Before I could stop myself, I started steering the conversation. And somehow, they all involved stories of my ex-boyfriends.
"Yes." I'd say. "That is a rough neighborhood. My ex-BOYfriend and I once saw someone shooting heroin into his toes there."
"Miami is so weird. My OTHER ex-BOYfriend lives there."
"Oh, the way you just said that sounded Australian. I once dated a MALE from Australia."
So, I kinda feel like an asshole.
In other news, who wants to see Flight...