Sunday, October 21, 2012

i lied. i got a movie theater hot dog too...

I haven't offered a "hab" update in awhile, so here's a little story of how I managed not to drink on Friday night.
All day long, I delighted in the fact that I had nothing to do on Friday night. I could stay in, eat something bad for me, read "Gone Girl" and go to bed at a reasonable hour. But once I got home, I felt that old booze twitch come on strong. Stronger than usual. I was suddenly hyper aware of every liquor store within a 10-black radius. See, it's not hanging out in a bar with my friends when I truly want to get drunk. It's when I'm alone, with $40 burning a hole in my wallet, the house to myself. These three things rarely happen all at once.
I should've called my sponsor. (Yep. I have one.) I should've gone to a meeting. I should've called Melissa or Eve or Sally, three people that will figure out a way to drop what they're doing and watch Lifetime with me, even if it's just over the phone. Instead and a little embarrassed, I made a deal with myself to just make it to 10 o'clock, when I could go to sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, one day at a time, etc.
The way I made it to 10 o'clock was to go to a movie by myself.
This is more complicated than one might think. I am a very vain person who will not go to the Sundance Kabuki Cinema by myself on a Friday night, lest I run into someone I know who will see that I am at the movies by myself on a Friday night. Instead I drove to Daly City, which houses my hide-out movie theater, with free parking, a huge concession stand, 100% strangers, and tons of screens.
As a result, I saw "Alex Cross", the new PG-13 Tyler Perry movie, along with dozens of high school kids on dates and middle-aged couples. I was in sweatpants and Uggs, like a true recovering alcoholic, and I got a medium (aka: ridiculously huge) bag of Kettle Corn. I sat on the edge of the theater, I sat through a lot of shitty previews aimed at the Tyler Perry crime-fighting audience. And I sat through "Alex Cross."
Lest you think I was settling on a movie, I have actually and recently read the James Patterson novel, "Alex Cross." Alex Cross is the character Morgan Freeman played in "Kiss The Girls." I love James Patterson's character, Det. Alex Cross, and... fuck it. I love Tyler Perry. Now you know.
The movie is fucking ridiculous. I mean it. It's so over the top and predictable and cliched, I wanted to hate it. The whole audience wanted to hate it. They (loudly) laughed together at the cheesiest, most falsely emotional lines.
But still, there was a sense of solidarity. We were they to have fun, albeit dumb fun. And when the credits rolled, everyone applauded. Even me, sitting alone in my sweats and my embarrassing Uggs.
Back in my car, driving home on 280, the desperate desire to drink a bottle of shitty wine was pretty much gone. I got home, crawled in bed and before I could change my mind, turned off the light.
I made it to the next day.
When I told my sponsor this, she told me to write it down, and said I was definitely working my steps.
I was, as we say in AA, willing to go to any lengths.
"Beth, going to a Tyler Perry movie in Daly City counts as any lengths..."


Sally Kuchar said...

So proud of you Beth.

Anonymous said...

Good girl

Seana said...

1. I will go to a movie with you anytime.
2. In my head, you do this sort of thing (go to movies, museum soiree's and parties) by yourself all the time (by choice), being confidently cool,stylish and assured, always able to run into someone you know (if you want) or keep things on the down low if you want to be incognito. You are super cool.
Way to work your steps! Also, hurry up with Gone Girl!

Anonymous said...

"There's no app for a bourbon buzz on a warm day in a cool, dark bar. The world will always want a drink."

--Gone Girl

brittney said...


Anonymous said...

LOVE this blog, totally dig your humor and wit, and now more so that I also understand how STRONG you are!

Kate said...

I am really happy for you. Going to the movies alone can be kind of great. You can choose whichever movie you want and not feel compelled to share your candy.