Thursday, October 11, 2012

and yet, i wish you weren't...

Instead of continuing to watch the train-wreck that is the remake of 'Steel Magnolias", I decided to watch a TV movie from the 80's because those are always pretty amazing. Thus, I came to discover "Hey, I'm Alive" on Netflix, selected for it's title, 2-person cast, and plot summary.

For unexplained reasons, Sally Struthers has been travelling around the world, and decided to "hitch a ride with an amateur pilot" on her way back to San Francisco. The amateur pilot is none other than Lou Grant, and needless to say, they crash in the barren wilderness, where these two oposites must survive for 49 days.  Right away, the plane crashes and Sally offers us a cheery New York-accented voice-over of her breezy past, ie; "I was Miss Know It All!" and "Adventure is my middle name!"

Lou Grant plays "Ralph" as some sort of Eastern European immigrant who just happens to fly single engine Cessnas from Alaska to San Francisco. Oh, and he converted to Mormonism.

In a flashback, it is revealed that they had to share a hotel room at one point before the crash, which makes Ralph very uncomfortable. Sally Struthers announces that this is 1963, and it's no big deal, stop being such a square, she's from Brooklyn, etc.

Back at the freezing site of their plane crash, Ralph tells Sally Struthers that the reason they crashed is because she's Jewish and rejected Jesus. Then, while building a fire, he announces the worrisome, "From this moment on, you will call me father, and I will call you daughter so that we can resist temptation."

Sally's voice-over asks, "If I had to be in a plane crash, why couldn't have been with Paul Newman?"

At one point, Lou Grant doesn't believe that Sally Struthers has a broken arm, but resets it anyway. This is while she is reading, "Tolstoy." Occasionally, a rescue plane will fly overhead, but with only 2 mirrors (one of which is a compact), their saviors can't see them.

Aside from some sardines and candy, Lou Grant and Sally Struthers eat only snow. As Sally laments, "It's so cold going down!"

Okay. I'm... I can't do this anymore.
I picked the wrong movie. Again.
This is ridiculous, and not even in an entertaining way. I'm... I'm really sorry. "Hey, I'm Alive" is available on Netflix on Demand. If you get further than I did, I'll buy you dinner and you can tell me what happens...


pooj said...

So, the train wreck is on my DVR. I can't bring myself to click on it.

Kate said...

The ladies playing the Julia Roberts and Daryl Hannah roles in the new Steel Magnolias are horrible.