Wednesday, April 18, 2012

'monitor casually' sounds awfully close to 'kinda stalk...'

Yesterday, my friend Alice forwarded an email chain. As I scrolled down, it was clear this email was making the rounds. Several of my friends had clearly already been forwarded the email.
I read it. And then I sent it to 20 more people.
Because it is BANANAS!
Some young man named Dave has been actively dating women he meets on Match.com. He keeps track of them in a deatialed spreadsheet. One night, after particularly hitting it off with someone named Arielle, he told her about the streadsheet. Arielle, naturally, asked to see the document in which she was compared with other random women. SO DAVE SENT IT!

He writes:

Well...this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend!- Dave

Immediately, Arielle forwards it with the following:

Hi Girls,
Wanted to pass this on to you for some monday morning entertainment.
I went on a date with this guy last wednesday. On the date, he tells me that he has a spreadsheet for tracking all of the people from match that are "in process". Naturally, I tease him and ask him to send me the spreadsheet. For some strange reason, he actually does. See below/attached.
Just when I thought I had seen it all....
xoxo
Enjoy!
Ari


In addition to giving himself notes like, "monitor casually," Dave rates their online photos versus in person appearance, "nice face/bod" and "mixed bag of pictures." Arielle received a coveted appearance score of "9" but this wasn't enough to convince her to date the guy that made a goddamn spreadsheet about the chicks he's dating.
In chatting about this with my friend Alex, he noted, "best line of his email in retrospect, 'I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire.'"
Jezebel has an awesome article (by Katie Baker!) that Melissa forwarded. From Mexico. Someone is reading about this guy in Mexico. And I kinda feel for him. Because you know? He really is pretty good at spreadsheets...

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