Saturday, February 18, 2012

or maybe not checking it at all...

I am spending this weekend in Bodega Bay at the Brians' beach house, watching Brian D. test his new dim sum recipes and watching Popeye the elderly pug go even more blind.
It's pretty fun.
In the midst of our lunch at some very fancy Bodega Bay Golf and Country Club, I excused myself to the ladies room.
Politely, I inquired as to the facilities. "There's a unisex bathroom on the middle floor," The polo-shirted waitress advised. "And then down two floors, there are men's and women's rooms."
This was a Sea Ranch-esque clubhouse, a lodge amidst a golf course sitting in the bluffs of the Pacific Ocean. Each floor was really half a floor, and each landing had huge, floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on the ocean. Waves crashed in the background.
It was all very picturesque.
I spotted the unisex bathroom and, futzing with my purse, opened the door.
The unisex bathroom was one of those big, handicapped-accessible rooms. There, sitting on the toilet was (celebrity equivalent) Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He was in a red polo shirt, khakis and, no joke, sitting on the toilet.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry. My fault!" I screamed, looking right at him.
"No, no." He said. "That's okay."
He sat there. We both looked at each other. For like, 5 seconds. He was just sitting, his khakis halfway down his thighs.
"I'm really sorry." I said, door still open, still looking at him.
Like he was sitting by the fire, reading a book, Carlton replied, "That's okay. No problem."
I closed the door and ran downstairs.
As soon as I was done, I raced up the stairwell t0 tell the Brians. Suddenly walking up the stairs with me was Carlton.
"Hi." I said. "I'm so so sorry! (uncomfortable laugh)."
"That is okay!" He smiled, wanting to talk. "It's a good thing you didn't use that restroom. The lock doesn't work."
No kidding.
He kept looking at me, he kept starting sentences, he wanted to chat.
The whole thing freaked me out. I had just walked in on this guy taking a shit.
Cutting him off, I smiled. "Have a great day!"
I got back to the table. "We have to go, we have to go, we have to go."
The Brians looked up at me from their fish tacos. "What? Okay. Why?"
"I walked... I walked in on someone going number two."
"WHO?!?!" They screamed this.
Carlton stood there, in the doorway of the Bodega Bay Golf and Country Club.
I hissed it under my breath. "That guy. There."
The Brians saw him watching us, nodded, and ushered me out. Carlton left at the same time we did, getting into a BMW and pulling up towards us.
Brian L. grabbed my arm.
"Goodbye." Carlton said right to me, eye to eye.
In unison, Brian and I said, "Goodbye."
And with that he drove off, probably to go home and lock his bathroom door.
Checking to twice...


toe-goo said...

Did you verify that the lock didn't work? Come on, in a tony place like that you really think the lock to the unisex bathroom was faulty and left unrepaired?

He purposely did not lock the door. Lucky you.

Seana said...

I knew Golf Course clubhouses were fishy...