Friday, January 13, 2012

there must be a self-help book for this...

Eve loves sending me the weirdest stories she sees on the wire first thing in the morning. Generally, I wake up to a sick mix of weird deaths and curious crimes. The one that's sticking with me this morning is THE BITER:
A 46-year old woman in a Mountain View bookstore bit two children, actually drawing blood, and then ran out of the store only to be captured at Starbucks (naturally.)
All I can think of (other than the poor children) is this woman who felt so compelled to bite kids (on their cheeks!) that she hovered around some suburban bookstore, probably trying to talk herself out of it. But she just can't help herself. She's a 46-year old biter. What can her life be like? Does she have friends? Is this the huge secret of an otherwise successful person?
Sadly, this is one of those things where I'm telling myself, I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not biting kids on the face in a bookstore...

4 comments:

SAMPLE said...

I can't believe you picked The Biter over Wood Chipper Decapitation. It's like I don't even know you!

Beth Spotswood said...

That was the first one she sent! "They heard a scream at 8:15am." Jesus.

Seana said...

Nom nom nom. Those kiddie cheeks are so round and tasty...

Traci said...

A little update from a local newsroom. Apparently she pinched the cheeks of the kids. The only person who alleged it was a bit was the toddler, which is substantial enough evidence apparently.