Last night, my brother stopped at Barnes & Noble and bought the latest issue of 7x7. Why? I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lucky for him, I sucked all of the obnoxiousness out of my mother's baby maker and as a result, my brother Alex is the most mellow fellow ever. So very casually, he walked up to the Barnes & Noble cashier to pay.
"7x7?" The cashier said, "What's that?"
"It means 7 miles by 7 miles, which is the size of San Francisco." My brother responded. Then, in a very uncharacteristic move he said, "Actually, my sister is in here!"
He opened up the magazine and displayed my photo. Alex was telling me all about this as he drove home from work.
"Alex!" I gushed. "That's so nice. You're such a good brother. Was the cashier excited?"
"Did he say anything?"
"Not really. He just kinda looked at it and looked away."
This makes me indescribably happy.
You guys! It's out! The magazine is out! Please go steal one from your gentrified neighbor. It's kind of a goofy photo, but as my brother reminded me, "That's your schtick." Also, the one quote I'm a little nervous about is my saying, "Gavin's personal tragedy was my professional triumph." Preceding that quote was the story of how Eve asked me to write a weekly blog about Gavin Newsom three weeks before his big and vaguely forgotten scandal. My point was the miraculous timing, not the, you know, shitty thing that happened to someone's family. That being said, I think karma kicked me in the ass pretty good for being amused at addiction, so whatever. Water under the bridge. The Golden Gate Bridge, which my brother called me while driving across. Because he just bought a magazine with a picture of me in it...