Last night was the 7x7 Magazine Party at AT&T Park. I feel that since I relentlessly bugged you to vote for me, I owe you full reports on what it's like to end up in the Hot 20 Under 40 Issue.
The answer? It is both awesome and weird.
I assumed I could only bring one guest to this thing, so I invited my friend Max to come with me. Max was my 7x7 Reader's Choice "campaign manager", and literally spent a week e-blasting the country in an attempt to help me win this thing. Plus, I thought I'd break stereotype by showing up to a party with a straight guy.
But then I got an email from Robin, the chic editor of 7x7 who said I could basically bring my entire entourage. So along for the ride with Max and me were Eve, Brock, my brother and my parents. Poor Melissa couldn't change a flight and was stuck in Cleveland. OR SO SHE CLAIMS. Then Catherine, Tara and Christine all bought tickets on Gilt City. I don't know if any of the other folks on the Hot 20 list rolled in like a hip hop entourage, but I had like, 10 people with me. I was also wearing a t-shirt that said, "This is a really big deal to me."
I would never admit this to anyone, but in my imaginary slickly-edited video montage of us walking into AT&T Park, the soundtrack is Peter Gabriel's "Big Time."
Basically, we stood around and chatted. I ran into my friend Sally, who was party hopping. And then my friend Nish very sweetly talked to my mom about the internet. Nish was off to go mingle, so he said goodbye to my mom and then to me, said, "What are you doing after this?"
"I don't know, we might get dinner? Is there a party somewhere?"
"Um, I don't know. Let's hang out, tho. I'll text you."
Nish walked away and my mother looked at me. "Well," she said. "That was very interesting."
"What?" I braced myself.
"How all of this works. 'I'll text you' and 'What's next?' and parties after a party."
I chatted with Broke Ass Stuart, also on the list. Stuart's got a really cool photo in the magazine. He is also at every party in San Francisco. Ever. Ross Mirkarimi was there, although it was one of five events he had to attend last night. He mentioned feeling a little old to be on the list (agreed, Ross!) and that his photoshoot was really fun.
I also had an awesome conversation with List-ee Matthew Zapruder. He's the poet stepping into oncoming traffic in the magazine, if you've got a copy, and it turns out I had the wrong impression of poets. You'd think, "Who wants to talk to a poet?" right?
I love this guy! He's hilarious and irreverent and watches Necessary Conversation! Rather disappointingly, he does not wear a beret.
So towards the end of the party, Catherine, Tara, Max and I were figuring out where to go next. Catherine was walking around, checking out who else was in the magazine and, much like my publicist, introducing me to them. I think she just thought we should all meet each other, and isn't this exciting and fun. Catherine is very sweet and sincere about these things. So she introduces herself to one of the Instagram guys and then says, "This is Beth. She's on..."
Before she finishes, famous app guy very sweetly shakes my hand like Tom Cruise benevolently greeting a fan in the crowds at an overseas film premiere.
He really wanted to talk to this hot chick standing next to me, and I didn't have the time to explain to him that I am valid in my own ways. Also, there was a mass of people trying to talk to him. Apps! Who knew?
I should point out, I shook about 50 hands exactly the same way last night.
Oh! And then they announced all of the Hot 20, but it was hard to hear. My father, none the less, monitored the proceedings and when they got to Reader's Choice, came running over. "Beth! Beth! You're up!"
So I had to walk up to the little announcement stage. I gave a shout-out to my parents, because I didn't know what to say, and then I was handed a bottle of Johnnie Walker Green Label, which I had to pose with. Like, there will be pictures of me posing with a bottle of alcohol. And because I am AN IDIOT, I said to the woman that handed it to me, "Oh, this is so funny. I'm in recovery!"
She just stared at me, just trying to do her job in the middle of this huge party and I'm laying on her my entire struggle with addiction. So she says, "Wow! Good for you!"
And someone took a picture of this.
Alex got the bottle of booze, by the way. Although Max and Nish were both like, "So, the Johnnie Walker is...where?"
Easily the most exciting part was seeing my name and photo up on the big screen at AT&T. It said, "The Funny Girl" and my family was just...blown away. I walked out onto the Club Level seating area and one section over was my mother all by herself, taking photos of me on the big screen. I feel a little bad for not having popped out husbands or grandkids to entertain my folks. But if I'm on the big screen at the baseball field once every 33 years, they're pretty fucking psyched.
Thanks again for voting so I could crash this magazine, my friends. Thank you to 7x7 for being filled with very nice people who dress better than me but don't mention it. And thanks for suffering through my exhaustive excitement. The Amazing Race starts on Sunday, so we can all get on with our lives...