Tuesday, July 26, 2011

definitely. definitely chasing her down...

It's taken 8 or 9 years, but I've slowly transitioned Big Chris and my friendship from "Burrito Buddies" to "Fancy Food Friends." Instead of hearing tales of Chris' conquests over questionable meat, I get crude life advice over organic leek turnovers.
Last night, we had a late dinner at the Blue Plate and were seated awfully close to a middle-aged man and woman. It soon became clear that like us, they were weird platonic friends discussing their relationship problems. Chris is amazing at being able to instantly go from telling me what a screw-up I am to telling me what a screw-up I am while eavesdropping on other people.
I started kicking him under the table when the woman next to me asked her friend, "Are you still doing online dating?"
Chris took a sip of his beer and said, "Relax, idiot. I'm on it."
The friend, who was British and had a mustache, nervously shifted in his Dockers and responded in the negative and then said, "I miss the thrill of the chase."
Thrill of the chase? This guy was the chauffeur from "Guarding Tess." Thrill of the chase. Please.
"That's what he means by chase." Chris said. "He has to chase women down the block after they walk in, take one look at his camel-toe and run away. He then chases after them. 'Are you Beth!?!? Are you Beth!?!'"
Chris also noted that the British lothario downed his key lime pie like it would, "run out the door if he gave it a chance."
I'm most impressed that Chris can eavesdrop better than I can, maintain this throughout an entire meal and then remember everything verbatim. As soon as the folks next to us left, Chris was able to re-enact their entire conversation, noting weird mannerisms and eating habits. He's like a judgmental Rain Man...


Seana said...

K-Mart Sucks (for finding girlfriends)

Anonymous said...

tales of Chris' conquests over questionable meat
I see what you did there.

Has this sidebusting savant provided an opinion on your 7x7 victory?

Beth Spotswood said...

@ Anon: Big Chris knows better than to fuck with me getting into a magazine. He was very excited and congratulatory. It was so weird and sincere, it made me uncomfortable.