Tuesday, June 07, 2011

safeway slice of life...

3 blocks from my office is the downtown Safeway. Did you know there was a Safeway in the Financial District? There is. And it's a bullshit Safeway. On the ground floor of an apartment building on Jackson Square, Bullshit Safeway is half the size of a regular Safeway, and half as lit. It's like a haunted house in there. None the less, that place is packed with suits every day between 11am and 2pm. And the sandwich line is always ridiculous.
My boss just came back from the sandwich line and announced, "You're right, Beth. That sandwich line is, indeed, bananas."
"Told you." I responded. "And everyone takes forever with all of their uptight sandwich needs."
"I know!" said my co-worker Carlos. "There's like 40 people in line and one sandwich maker. I was in there this one time and the woman behind me asked the sandwich maker to put on new plastic gloves because she didn't want 'meat gloves.' And the sandwich maker couldn't understand her. She had to say it like, three times. And everyone in line was like, 'Oh my God! She wants you to change your gloves!' Thank God I was in front of her."
This is very specific, but that is SO FiDi Bullshit Safeway. Everything about that is FBS. Because if you're so uptight about meat gloves, you can go to 673 other food places in the West Coast's finance capital. When you choose Bullshit Safeway, you're choosing gross gloves. And you're choosing a bananas line.
Why so surprised?
PS: Please send me all of your Safeway stories because I just-this-second developed a book idea called, "Shit That Went Down At My Safeway..."

6 comments:

Greg said...

haha I used to call that place "depressing singles safeway" when I used to stop by on the way to nob hill ages ago. but I like your name better.

Amused said...

Please please write that book! I had to switch Safeways because my old Safeway was so ghetto (30th and Mission) I had to switch to the one on Potrero hill. People used to follow me around the aisles and sniff my hair ... after I had just come from gym. Yuck!

JFBF said...

That Safeway is awful. Whatever you're looking for, chances are good they don't have it. It's SAFEWAY - they should have it.
There's a deaf employee there. The funny thing is, he's like the most helpful person there - but there is often a communication problem, as you can imagine. He's worked the sandwich line before - try expressing your special sandwich cheese needs to the deaf guy. It can take a while.
Also, next time you're in the sandwich line, pay attention to the onions. For some reason they cannot slice the onions thinly there. If you get onions on your sandwich, you're getting like 1/4 of an onion. They slice them like they think they're cutting apples or something.
But, you know, every now and then it's convenient to have a Safeway - even a bullshit Safeway - so close to work...

Anonymous said...

Duh. That is why you buy your own rolls, deli meat and cheese and extras. Unless you don't have a work fridge.

Blair said...

I was in Church Street Safeway once at 2AM (don't ask) and got in line behind two GINORMOUS leather men. They were buying an enema and eggs.

I guess breakfast came with...

Lucia said...

Eff that Safeway. They ran out of lemons. What non-Communist grocery store runs out of lemons!!