Monday, January 10, 2011

hanging out in diners and reading the obits...

One of the traits I enjoy most in my friends in the hilarious and bizarre way they react to things. In fact, I’d like to have a whole television channel in which I sit down with a different friend every hour on the hour and expose them to various media that will elicit a reaction.

Resting In Peace with Brock Keeling: Saturday afternoon, Brock and I sat in the corner booth at the Lucky Penny. I read dramatically from the obituaries as Brock reacted dramatically. Half of the show’s draw would be my (if I do say so myself) glorious verbalizing of the deceased’s life and times. The other half would be Brock gasping at the appropriate moments.

“Susan Livingstone Marks passes away suddenly…”
“Gasp!”
“at the age of 45…”
“NO!”
“The Marks Family would especially like to thank the staff of St. Mary’s Emergency Room…”
“Well, if they’re going to go that far, they really should tell us what happened.”

Welcome to Reality with Tara Sullivan: Tara and Melissa came over to my house to eat Indian take-out and watch The Craigslist Killer on Lifetime, in our bold need to live the spinster stereotype. After The Craigslist Killer ended (I need to do a whole other post on that), we started watching Wife Swap at midnight. Tara, while she attended high school in Alabama, somehow regards herself as being from Connecticut. She’s in book clubs and drives a Mini and when you call Tara on Sunday mornings and ask what she’s up to, it’s always, “reading Jonathan Franzen while getting ready for yoga.” Tara is one of those. She might as well say, “Practicing the cello while getting ready to volunteer in the community garden.” And she does not normally watch Wife Swap. I thought Tara was having a medical event, she was so upset at 1) the concept of Wife Swap, 2) the people participating on Wife Swap and 3) the fact that we were watching Wife Swap. Melissa and I were two peas in a pod, all bundled up on my couch laughing while the dad from Alabama said he was going to flush the New Jersey mom’s lifelike dolls “down the commode.” But Tara was legitimately upset. Which only added to my enjoyment. It was like the time my dad visiting me in college and got stuck watching Jerry Springer while I took too long to get ready. When I finally emerged, I asked what he thought of the show. And my father, in his tweed blazer with elbow patches said, “I don’t like Shasta.”

SFGovTV with Big Chris: The ratings this past week for SFGovTV must be through the roof! And by ‘through the roof’, I mean dozens of eyeballs were glued to City Hall Chambers as the old Board imploded, the interim Mayor was chosen, the new Board took office and all of my friends who hang out in City Hall somehow just happened to find themselves in front of the SFGovTV camera. Like every time. Amazing. Anyway, for reasons I still don’t understand Big Chris decided he was going to watch basketball at my house and was in for a civic surprise when instead, he watched SFGovTV while all hell broke lose. Big Chris’ reaction to Public Comment involved him laughing so hard, he actually fell off of the couch and onto the floor in hysterical convulsions. So I propose Big Chris just get his own window in the corner of SFGovTV programming, where instead of signing the show 1980’s style, he just says things like, “Look at this dipshit fucking up everything...”

4 comments:

Seana said...

Shouldn't there be a show about you and your mom watching Amazing Race too? I think the SFGovTV with Big Chris would be hilarious.

tara said...

Hello??!!??? I watch jersey shore (awesome) and other will-rot-your-brain shows. You failed to mention that the families on that show were totally nuts - the wife had a fake baby collection and the other one worked her kids in violation of fair labor laws!! jeez....

sfmike said...

I found myself in the front row a couple of times (not for long) last week for SFGTV in the Supervisors' chambers (look for the bald head in the front). Hope I was one of the friends you saw. Anyway, it was fun being an extra in what was quite a bizarrely interesting show.

Melissa Griffin said...

I still laugh when I picture your dad weighing in on Shasta!