Big Chris and I were discussing last night which season opening was better: Mad Men or Jersey Shore. The hands down winner?
Jersey Shore, bitch!
Snookie's thoughts on domestic policy as it pertains to tanning. Snook's succumbed to fake tanning because President Obama added a 10% tax to tanning, something John McCain would never have done. McCain is, after all, pale. Barack Obama, Snookie pointed out, doesn't have that problem.
Snookie's black cowboy hat as she walked into the bar in Savannah. Really, that whole moment made me love her. I think she's in on the joke, a little. And I love her for it. God Bless America that we have found the one person who is interesting to watch discover fried pickles and put her on TV.
Ronnie cried. Yeah, I'm calling that a cry. A friend of mine maintains that for a man to cry, you need to see three falling tears, which Ronnie did not produce on camera. But I still maintain that dance floor tantrum was a legitimate cry.
Chris would like to congratulate J-Woww on her corrected boob job. I never noticed a problem last season, but apparently some people found it distracting and unattractive.
The Situation is in on the joke too. He's smirking at us, he knows this is crazy. But he likes this shit. And thus, I like him.
Vinnie is my boy. Not only is he the most old school Mama's Boy since Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, but he seems to have his head screwed on straight. His analysis of Ronnie's breakdown was surprisingly astute.
DJ Paulie D is Forrest Gump, and I'm using Forrest Gump as a medical term as coined by my mother. "He's not mentally retarded, he's like...Forest Gump."
Sammie is not in on the joke. Sammi is not in on much. She kind of states a general malaise and then refuses to discuss it. Um, hello? You're spending two months living with your ex-boyfriend whose one planned activity is to bang as many chicks as possible. It's going to bum you and your cheap demin capris out.
Vocabulary for Season 2: Grenades are fat ugly girls. Landmines are ugly skinny girls. These terms are thrown around arbitrarily. "Then I splashed some water on my face and a grenade went off!" Also, creep, creeping and creepy are all verbs for what the homosexuals refer to as cruising. It took me a second to figure that one out.
Angelina needs to leave. She's ridiculous. She says "yous" not because people actually speak that way but because she thinks she's supposed to. As Sammi was staring out of the cab, all wide-eyed and morose and Angelina dives in with some nonsense about how all the girls are mean, I was like, "Okay. I re-hate you." Also, you can't bail on Season 1, then realize, "Oh shit, this is a national phenomenon" and then re-appear and expect everyone to be thrilled. She wasn't there when Snookie got punched. She doesn't know!
Also, here's how Angelina makes friends with the guys: "If I hook up with one of yous, whatevah."
The only thing Pauly D. brought to the table was pointing out Angelina no longer used garbage bags as luggage.
Big Chris and I are both very concerned that too much of this season will focus on the Ronnie/Sammi "I told you so much!" relationship. It's tired. We've all personally lived through one of those roller coasters with some poor soul that's out there talking shit/fondly reminiscing about us right now. We don't need to watch it all over again with stupid people.
And finally, the "This season, on the Jersey Shore" looked epic. And contained way more information than the stupid Mad Men preview. Snookie AND Angelina bang Vinnie (I'd hit that) and J-Woww and Sammi brawl? This is some great American television.
I couldn't be more excited...
Quote of the show:
"I feel like a Pilgrim in the freakin' 20's." ~ Nicole "Snookie" Polizzi, cleaning Sammi's favorite white shorts
I know, I know, I know she was referring to the 1620s. I'm positive.