Sunday, May 09, 2010

we are nearing 'just for men' time...

Mayor Newsom's latest video, posted on Monday but someone of us have lives (I'm referring to you, not me), is a 13 minute and 47 second commercial for Lieutenant Governor, with occasional explanations of how government works.
This is actually my favorite kind of lesson because I love it when Gavin performs for the camera and really, how else would I learn?
I've come to the conclusion that much like myself, Gavin gets hooked on a certain look for awhile and then drops it. For years, the Mayor wore navy or dark grey suits with light blue ties. Exclusively. Sure there were a few seductive moments of athletic apparel or the occasional open collar, but 90% of the Mayor's wardrobe was a navy suite with a light blue tie.
For the past few months, Gavin has moved on to a light-weight grey suit with a white open collared shirt. These are hopefully all different suits and shirts, but he wears the same thing. Every day. Everywhere. Hello Spring!
Hold on. Wait one second. I just started paying attention to this video with...what? The Bay Tunnel? A tunnel underneath the Bay? Going where? For what, bikes? You know, touching on these little news items in a commercial isn't fucking fair. I had to look it up. It's for drinking water, whatever that means. When, I wonder, was the last time Gavin Newsom touched tap water? I'm not even talking about in restaurants, where I promise you, he orders a $6 bottle of sparkling like everyone else. I'm talking about his private residential plumbing, which I'm pretty sure uses whatever the trendy version of Evian is.
Back to the video, it's a lot of the Mayor shaking a green-covered budget at us and talking about how fantastic not just San Francisco is, but the "entire region." It "deserves some complimentary reflection."
You want complimentary reflection, honey? Look in a mirror. Ba-dum-bum. (cymbals.)
The Mayor also wants to, "applaud some of us, or all of us, for, ya know, steppin' up." Again, because everything in San Francisco is just so amazing and utopian right now. All I can imagine is Chris Daly watching this and giving Gavin the slow, sarcastic clap.
The direction we're taking, by the way, is "a direction most San Franciscans aren't familiar with or aware of." Pay attention, idiots! You're welcome.
Something obviously went wrong with the video camera towards the last quarter of the video, because it keeps zooming in and out for no reason. The only thing I can think of is that our devoted cameraperson got bored and started pressing buttons just to see what would happen. Zooooooom in. Okay, I'm bored. Zoooooooom out.
Finally, at the very, very end Gavin mentions TWU and holds up a pamphlet like we're all supposed to know what he's talking about. My first guess is Transit Workers Union because various Facebook groups have been bitching about Muni lately, so I'm guessing busses are on the fritz again. Lemme just...yep. I guessed correctly.
I like how the Mayor slowly explains to us various roles of government like Mister Rogers explaining how a letter gets mailed, but then drops TWU and PCU and all kinds of random shit at the end, and we're all supposed to be like, "fuckin' TWU better step up!"
What? Who? Hold ON. For 13 straight minutes of the video, the Mayor has pointed out every rainbow, butterfly and cherry blossom in San Francisco, implying that if you like what you see here, this could all be yours California. But in the last 47 seconds, he gets all inside baseball, with this "family" of labor leaders needing to get together to work through this "very difficult time."
My hands are in the air, I give up. I am clearly too stupid to grasp the Mayor's nuance. Maybe it's all that tap water I've been using to wash my hair. Anyway, this week gets a "S" for satisfactory. We're using Montessori grades because I think I just got dyslexia. Speaking of which, the quote of the video is:
"So proverbially, not just rhetorically, substantively rather..."
You can watch the whole thing RIGHT HERE...


generic said...

Love the opening signature.

sfmike said...

Please, tell me he didn't really say: "So proverbially, not just rhetorically, substantively rather..." because I'm going to have to throw up a little. And even with Montessori grading, that should be an "S" for "Start Over" rather than "Satisfactory."

Seana said...

I have heard Gavin expostulate on tap water on a number of occassions. He might have to actually drink it in public, to, you know, save face.