When prisoners get bored, they flush their bed sheets down the toilet. This is basic common knowledge, right? So much so, jail administrators have to purchase machines able to grind up anything a felon can flush. San Francisco's learned this the hard way after courtrooms flooded with raw sewage last week, and old Roscoe and Bones had a hearty chuckle at the expense of our friends in the legal community who stepped in human poo.
Thanks to Rachel Gordon of the City Insider, the SFPUC (San Francisco Poo's Unacceptable Committee) added $240,000 to their budget to buy something called a Muffin Monster.
Take all the chuckle time you need. I'll wait.
The best thing about this news is that due to what I can only assume is incredible competition in the prison toilet grinder industry, the creative team at Muffin Monster made a 5 minute commercial. It is the greatest 5 minutes of internet-dom you will ever watch. In fact, I can't stop watching it. Look at it grind! Look at it pulverize! Look at a man throw dozens of tampons at it! And try, just try not to tap your toes...
In no particular order, here are my favorite items potentially flushed by inmates:
10: Tennis balls, rejected apparently, from the CDOC doubles teams
9: A wet U.S. Army blanket, identified by subtitles
8: Rug samples
7: A cantaloupe
6: A cow-print futon
5: Building insulation
4: A jug of water, that just exploded and went everywhere
3: Cans of colorful paint!
2: Maxi pads from 1983
1: A huge bundle of celery
Things I'd felt were missing from this demonstration: A live animal (totally flushable to prisoners), handcuffs, chains, etc. and, hello? Muffins...