Saturday, April 17, 2010

shout out to the jogger in black...

Gavin, it's been too long!
Honestly, I'm still feeling fucking dissed from our moment at Credo followed by my apology I agonized over followed by jack shit. That's the last time I ever take anything back, Gavin Christopher. EVER!
That being said, I received a request (from Devine, standing over my shoulder) for another Mayor video recap, so here goes.
This weekend, the Mayor comes to us from historic Kezar Stadium. Dressed in a suit and open collar in the middle of a sunny park, the Mayor points out that Stanford will be playing football this weekend (where have I heard that before?) and just in case you went to Berkeley, they're invited too. No mention of the Mrs. who attended Stanford, although Gavin does mention his alma mater, Santa Clara from which he graduated with a Bachelors degree. I point this out because someone was trying to tell me the Mayor had a Masters.
Oh really? In what exactly?
The video continues with Gavin going on and on about some concert the late Bill Graham threw in Kezar, complete with Marlon Brando in attendance. You've really got to savor the way he delivers, "Marlon Brando" at 1:29. I suspect someone's been studying Mr. President's delivery.
Gavin listing off band names = uncomfortable.
Then the Mayor again invites everyone to come down to the coin toss and tip off for Stanford's FOOTBALL game, which, as the former starting center (obviously) for the St. Patrick's 8th Grade CYO Girls Basketball Team, I know for a fact does not include a tip off.
The Mayor quickly corrects himself, kinda, but since I'm still mad about the lack of floral recognition of my recent apology (not to mention birthday, soberversary, TV appearance, etc.), we're nitpicking today.
At 2:12 we finally get to some shit voters care about.
Gasp! Stop! Hold on!
The video cuts away to pre-filmed footage as the Mayor continues to talk. Oh my God, what is that? Final Cut Pro? Thank you teenage intern who edited this together. Thank you.
The pre-filmed footage includes a radiant Fire Chief Joanne Hayes White giving a speech while the Mayor dances side to side, bored out of his incredibly complex mind.
Hey you guys? Um, "We live in a perilous state, lit'rally and figuratively, pa-tickalarly out here in the Bay Area."
We also live in a state that has free speech therapy. I'm sure. We must. Gavin and Arnold could go together!
Moving right along, the mayor starts to talk about how we're all going to die at any moment, falling into the earth as it splits open and swallows San Francisco. And he's squinting into the sun, one becomes desperate to give the man some shades. How fabulous would that be? Gavin should present all of his outdoor (and indoor!) videos with sunglasses on.
At this point, my boo encourages us to all work on our earthquake plans at THIS website, and I can't help but wonder where the Newsom Family emergency rendezvous location is.
(The Spotswood Family's' was at the fire hydrant down on the street below my parents' home, but that seems a little ridiculous now. I'm officially changing it to Spruce.)
Next, apparently the launch of some green thing was "too successful."
Oh, Gavin. How do you do it?
We cut away again (!), this time to the Mayor and some awkward-looking friends sitting at a folding table in front of what would appear to be Sunday Streets-style programmatic displays. How could this gripping panel not be successful?
Green finance is blowin' up!
Has anyone heard of the "fields program?" Not the fields medal. The fields program? Anyway, it's very important to the Mayor because people are spraining their ankles on the city's shitty fields.
What is the world coming to? Let's revitalize these fields, and let the ace bandage industry chips fall where they may. This is a "world class city." Sprained ankles are unacceptable.
I can't help but think, aren't we at war? I mean, peoples' lives are falling apart, folks sleep on sidewalks and someone just got raped/shot/beat. Is this leadership opportunity best spent on sprained ankles? I'm curious, that's all.
In the midst of all this, the Mayor calls the Board of Supervisors wise, which is very fair-weather friend if you ask me. They're brilliant if they support his greening idea. But otherwise the board is apparently a bunch of retards.
In other observations, the Mayor is working the hand jive pretty hard in this video, really expressing himself with his limbs. I found the whole thing exciting. He used, "y'all" and seemed in a pretty good mood the whole time, both pluses. Bonus points for the fancy editing. What with extensive body language, I give this week a solid B.
That being said, I don't know that you really need to watch the whole video right here...


sfmike said...

Yeah, let's replace all that grass with toxic tire residue brought to us by the Fisher Family spawns of Satan, who for some reason have decided poisonous soccer fields run by their very own nonprofit is what San Francisco really needs.

Loved your recap, and you're a very generous grader. Thank you for letting some of us read between the lines so we don't "really need to watch the whole video."

Anonymous said...

I think GCN is sending a personal message by continuing to do his updates from exciting locales, your idea! Also, did you send Mr Frieman flowers when he apologized. No? Lower your expectations, although complaining about it is entertaining.

Anonymous said...

sfmike is like most of his young, very white liberal ilk. Meaning he has no kids and therefore no kids who play sports. Wheh he does, he will do what his hero Chris "Meathead' Daly did, move to the suburbs, leaving his bohemian, "I love the colored people" life behind.
He will then enjoy seeing his towheaded children playing with other towheads on those well maintained suburban soccer fileds, not caring about the colored's whose kids have to play on the unmaintained fileds here in SF because SF is to concerned with the miscreants who come (and get shipped) here.

Is that too angry a response?

Be_Devine said...

Wow, @anon12:40, does everyone still call non-white people "the colored's"? Or just people with kids who play sports?

generic said...

I'm just amazed that one of the Olds learned how to use the Online Machine.

Good job, gramps!

Beth Spotswood said...

I love the assumed description of SF Mike. In case anon 12:40 was interested in understanding to whom he was responding, THIS is SF Mike.

sfmike said...

Dear Beth: I was wondering which photo you would use to represent this old, gay fart who likes the towheads and the coloreds equally, and who has actually played sports on Park & Rec's crappy fields over the years. Your choice surpassed expectations and is going to have me laughing all day.

And what is this anonymous person talking about when they mention "soccer fileds"? Is this an obscure sport for administrative assistants that I've never heard about?