Sunday, April 25, 2010

got cy...

I'm perfectly happy at a sporting event. The people watching, the forced sitting, the abundance of Diet Coke is all right up my alley. I can even get into the game, while I'm there at least. It's like being on safari. I can care about animals if they're right in front of me.
So when Melissa and I were looking for something to do on Saturday night (I know. Shocking), I suggested the Giants game. "Oh, that's an idea!" She said, and immediately procured us some seats.
We parked in the lot and walked into the park with thousands of baseball fans, all buzzing with excitement about some bobblehead give-away. Many wore "Got Panda" t-shirts and panda bear hats.
"I thought the mascot was a seal." Mel said.
"I know. What with the pandas?"
Apparently someone called Pablo Sanchez Sandoval looks like a panda. I didn't really see what the big deal was, but I enjoyed the video montages of his fun dance routines on the jumbotron. Also on the jumbotron was American Hero, Sully, attending the game in a "luxury suite."
Met with a standing ovation as the Giants officially welcomed him, Melissa screamed up at the boxes, "Hey Sully! Remember us?!?"
He did not.
Sitting behind us was a group of middle aged drunken gentlemen. And as culture dictates, one of them had to be an obnoxious asshole. The entire game, he kept trying to get a cheer going. Whenever he deemed a moment opportune, he'd scream, "Let's go, Gi-Ants!"
No one responded. Shit, I don't even know the response to that one. Is it some clapping sequence? I suspect, based on some half-assed reactions, we were supposed to break into "Clap. Clap. Clap-clap-clap."
Other times, Superfan would scream encouragements at the players. I couldn't help but wonder, "Do they care? Does this help? Would the Panda strike out without Superfan screaming positivity at him?"
And when a St. Louis Cardinal player came to bat, Superfan would scream the bizarre, "How many Cy Young awards you got? That's what I thought!"
He said this often and repeatedly, asking the question several times in a row like maybe the Cardinal didn't hear it the first time. I wanted one of them to turn around and say, "None. I have no Cy Young awards. Okay? Have you made your point? Or should we pause for a second and everyone can count each others Cy Young awards?"
Everyone in our section pretended to ignore the Cy Young question, so when it was followed with uncomfortable silence, Superfan would begrudgingly offer, "Let's go Gi-Ants!"
Clap. Clap. Shut the hell up...


Anonymous said...

It should be legal to spray mace on someone like that, or at least secretly film them and post it on YouTube. Hey, do that next time! A montage of assholery.

Melissa said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE you left out the best part!