you'll need a shot of espresso for this. i'll wait...

"I want to acknowledge that this weekend doesn't begin and end on Saturday. It extends to Sunday."

-Mayor Gavin Newsom, March 13, 2010

If you were holding your breath for another nugget of genius, you can just forget it. This week's Mayoral Update is deadly. Gavin kicks it off by reminding us to fill out our census forms. He holds an envelope "which has most likely arrived in your mail or will about to arrive in your mail." Basically, you better fill it out and mail it back or you're an asshole and we won't get any money. It's incumbent upon you (he says this twice.)

Blah, blah, blah, boring census history.

Moving on, we reached a deal with the airport. San Francisco gets 15% of the concession revenue of SFO and he goes on and on in explaining it to us like we're retarded. Thanks Mister Rogers. We got this.

Pardon my sass, but of all the things that are going on in San Francisco, like, oh, I don't know, Gavin running for Lieutenant Governor (or Attorney General if you ask Bill Maher) and no one really knowing how or who will replace him, the Mayor's got to first spend an eternity on some ancient deal with the airport? Can someone please CGI an elephant in the room?

All of a sudden, a cartoon elephant should just pop in through the door behind the mayor and walk past wearing a lieutenant badge. "Oh, excuse me. There's just an elephant in the room. Anyway..."

Then, shocker, we chat more about Jobs Now. I, an employed adult with no dependents, know way more about Jobs Now than I could have ever hoped.

Spoiler alert: snooze.

When Gavin starts punching certain words Barack-style, that means it's time for tweets from YOU! And by you, I mean "calibayareagrrl." Oh, calibayareagrrl has a question about Jobs

Now? Amazing. What are the odds? Hey, Zach on Facebook has another question about...Jobs now Isn't this mind-blowing? Quick, run outside, stop the first San Franciscan you see and ask them what, if anything, they'd ask Mayor Gavin Newsom right now. Apparently, it's going to be all about Jobs Now. Who knew?

The next tweet question comes from Jake Tapper (swoon) who has the most West Wing name since Sam Seaborn. Jake tweeted to Tucker Carlson (forbidden swoon), "Who was the last Republican Mayor of San Francisco?"

Are you ready for the most boring story you've ever heard in your life? Terrific because Gavin is about to tell you something very uninteresting about George Christopher, the last Republican Mayor of San Francisco 1956-1964. Instead, I will tell you interesting things about George Christopher:

• He brought the Giants to San Francisco
• He opened Candlestick
• He was a civil rights activist
• He started alcohol treatment programs
• He was too cheap to buy a historic old movie theater which was demolished and folks are still pissed
• He built the Embarcadero Freeway that was gross and collapsed anyway in the 1989 Earthquake
• He let the House Subcommittee on Un-American Activities have meetings in City Hall
• He was born in Greece and moved to South of Market's "Greektown" when he was 2
• He married the love of his life, Tula Sarantitis
• He was prosecuted for fixing the price of milk in the 1940's
• He told the cops who were harassing gay people to give it a goddamn rest
• And he was apparently the greatest storyteller, ever. Unlike some people.

Finally, the Mayor answers the burning question, "Do you use a BB (Blackberry)?"

Um, hello? Gavin is "an iPhone kid." He's clutching his phone in every video. What goober asks, "Er, uh, do you use a Blackberry? Because I use a Blackberry. I like the Blackberry."

Ugh! I hate this week's video. It gets a D+ and the + is only for Jake Tapper. I really think Gavin should address the Lieutenant Governor run, offer his thoughts on the plan for a replacement and tackle the more controversial tweets he must be getting. I mean, come on. What's next? "Dear Mister Mayor, What's your favorite color?"

We already know this. It's blue. Bring the drama, next time Room 200. Bring the drama...