the language of reality television is universal...

I've been getting bored with telelvsion, and that's saying a lot. So I decided to do a little research for the purposes of posting a public service announcement and letting you fine folks know when good TV would be back on the air.
I can't for the life of me figure out when Mad Men is coming back to us and that's what I care about most. Well that and TK's recaps. So then I went to The Amazing Race and OH MY GOD IT'S BACK ON AND I HAD NO IDEA.
Wonderfully, The Amazing Race is available online immediately after it airs, so I was able to catch up on all three episodes of Season 4628. I have to admit, I'm getting the feeling this season might not be the series' best. The "famous" contestants consist of the stupid pageant answer girl and this couple (Jordan and Jeff) from the lesser reality show, Big Brother.
This season of The Amazing race has 2 people named Jordan if that's any indication. But here are my three favorite teams:
Totally contradicting myself, I like Jeff, of Jordan and Jeff. He's like a lovable Dane Cook. We all hate Dane Cook, right? Well Jeff is like Dane Cook but slightly more likeable. Plus he's got this moustached Mike Ditka salty cop accent that I love. You know once I got that Ed Hardy shirt I was going to start liking guys like this so just go with me on it.
Carol and Brandy are the power lesbian couple who've been dating for 5 months and are proud label whores. I don't really get why they keep over-compensating with this "No valet parking is as close to public transportation as we get" bombardment, but summoning my dwindling fear of lesbians, I suspect there's a little, "We're so rich you have no choice but to accept us so just deal with it America." Obviously I adore/fear them. Plus, they have the best clothes.
And finally, in first place right now (in our hearts and on the show) are Jet and Cord McCoy, two cowboy brothers from Oklahoma. I suspect they might be virgins, they had the bright idea of changing their money before heading to Chile and got Brazilian currency by mistake. They wear specially made plastic cowboy hat rain condoms and they're not really friends with anyone because they're just so awkward and wonderful. And the best thing about them (anyone who's watched knows what I'm about to say so just say it out loud with me!) is that Cord and/or Jet constantly use the phrase, "Oh my gravy." Think of all of the variations of "Oh my God" you use and then just imagine two Oklahoman innocents substituting gravy every time. Shock, delight, horror, happiness...they always say oh my gravy and I fucking love it. The last episode, Cord realized they were about to come in first again and in totally serious Valley Girl voice goes, "Oh. Mah. Gravy."
I died.
Speaking of which, Friday Night Lights is coming back April 30th (Coach Eric Taylor, oh my gravy!) and Real Housewives of New York is coming back THIS Thursday at 11pm. And finally, I have a new show! Kell on Earth, the dramatic day-to-day workings of bitchy PR Maven Kelly Cutrone and her PR Firm, People's Revolution is fabulous. FABULOUS. I am way to slow on the Kell on Earth bandwagon and I am kicking myself for not living a trusting life and automatically watching anything on Bravo with the passion of a cult member.
If someone's got the scoop on Mad Men, I think we'd all like to know. Otherwise, things are looking up on the boob tube. Even more so on Wednesday when I will probably hopefully oh-my-gravyfully have an exciting personal update to share with you and what if I just jinxed it so I'm shutting up...