stumping the stolpas...

Years ago, my folks, brother and I ended up watching Snowbound: The Jim and Jennifer Stolpa Story. If you weren't in Northern California in 1993, you might be unfamiliar with the unfortunate plight of the Stolpas, a 21 year old married couple who got lost in the snow with their 5 month old baby, Clayton. Immediately their tragedy and triumph was turned into a TV movie starring Neil Patrick Harris and for reasons I can't begin to remember, all four Spotswoods watched it together.

I fondly remember my parents mocking the entire thing, screaming at the TV and skewering the Stolpa decision-making process.

Guess what I found on Netflix!

I arrived for dinner at my folks' last night and announced, "I brought an activity!"

"Oh! Terrific! Board games? Cooking project?"

No. I brought Snowbound: The Jim and Jennifer Stolpa Story.

My parents kind of rolled their eyes but culture dictates that when your adult child wants to watch a movie and bond with you, you can't say no. After dinner, we hunkered down in the TV Room and after lots of discussion on how to turn on the DVD player, started the movie.

Jim and Jennifer Stolpa's problem, other than being married and parents at 20-years old, was that they were idiots. I'm not saying they're still idiots. They've probably learned from their mistakes. But they were idiots. As a result, they became trapped in the snow for over a week on their way to a funeral in Idaho.

My folks are not regular watchers of 1990's television movies. Needless to say, I am. Their shock and horror at this cheezy, poorly acted, horribly written genre delighted me. Hello? People love this shit, you snobs!

So right away and forgetting they'd seen this over a decade ago, Dick and Joanne started screaming at the Stolpas. Every heavy-handed foreshadow prompted snark and sarcasm from my parents, but they saved their harshest words for Jim Stolpa's mom, the emotional Murial played by the mom from Webster. Every word from her resembled nails on a chalk board and my father, sitting behind me on the couch kept announcing, "I hate the mom."

"The mom" could barely hold it together, with her crappy hairdo and shoulder pads. Every piece of news or lack there of sent her into hysterics. Meanwhile, we've got Jim (who can't say 'I love you') and Jennifer making every wrong turn, taking off the snow chairs to save time and guessing about shortcuts. When they finally try and walk out, in the wrong direction of course, they zip the baby up in a garment bag, tie it to Jim's belt and drag Clayton.

My mother couldn't understand why they were always going uphill. "Head down! Head down! This is so stupid!"

I was shocked at their predicament. Even though they were young, the Stolpas were in the Army. Shouldn't they have better survival skills, instead of relying on "signs from God"?

My father took a sip of wine. "No wonder this guy's a Private."

The Stolpas made it out alive with everything but their feet. At the very end, we see Doogie Howser (or as my mother called him, Doggie Howard) get the news that they'd lose a third of their feet due to severe frostbite.

Dramatic zoom, shock and horror, "the mom" loses it.

Needless to say, just before the end credits, Jim and Jennifer (and Clayton, out of the garment bag!) sit in wheelchairs at the beach where they had their first date. And guess what? They walk on their stumps! And Jim finally says "I love you!"

I think my parents would admit that spending last night screaming at Snowbound: The Jim and Jennifer Stolpa Story was really fun. And thanks to technology, you too can join the fun in 10-minute increments on YouTube. That's right! HERE you go...

*Thanks to Rebecca in the comments. Jim and Jennifer got divorced! So much for that bullshit 'I love you.' Who else could love the stumps, I wonder? Last night, I actually thought to myself, "Well, it's a good thing they're both going to have stumps."