Thank you so much to reader Phil for being the first to discover the greatest piece of Bill Wilson artwork in the history of portraiture.
These photos are from some event honoring Warren Hellman, founder and funder of the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival. And yes, that is a photo of Mayor Gavin Newsom proudly displaying "Sexually Transmitted Diseases." Take some time if you need it. I certainly did.
Do you see it? Lipstick. On his cheek. IN THE SHAPE OF A KISS.
(I don't know what other shape it would be in, but still.)
Say what you want, you whiny motherfuckers, but if Gavin Newsom is elected to ANYTHING, we get this until 2014-ish. There's a reason people prefer views. It's because we like to look at pretty things. (I feel like I jib, I jab so much, I need to give him props for still being hot.)
Keepin' it real with the G-man. 
The expresion on this one is nice. It's the eyebrows, which we all know refuse to be contained. Another framer, if you ask me.
Still more with the Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I get the feeling Gavin got all 5th Grade on us (who wouldn't?) and had a whole STD routine he was performing. Who was there? What happened? Was there a clap joke? There was a clap joke, right? 
Here's hoping he was continuing the talk on Sexually Transmitted Diseases. "Just because she looks clean..."
Someone has to pee. 
Say what you want about Warren Hellman, the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival is awesome. It's where Amanda and I came up with our own Bluegrass band name after purchasing a condiment in a disgusting grocery store on Haight Street en route to the festival: Dusty Mustard and the Deli Meats.
And also, it's wonderfully free. Thanks Warren!
More Sexually Transmitted Diseases jokes? 
"Okay, now I'm bored."He held it long enough and he clearly doesn't have to pee anymore. Maybe the next book the Mayor should teasingly display is Urinary Tract Infections because you shouldn't hold it!
Charlotte Schultz, I love you...
4 comments:
The opportunities for photoshoppery alone in this set boggle the mind.
What happened? Was there a clap joke? There was a clap joke, right?
Technically, no. He asked the one about what's the difference between a clever midget and and a venereal disease. The children did not get it and they simply stared blankly.
So Warren's next feat of philanthropic wonder is to fund a clap clinic in the Marina, right? That's the only explanation.
Being a whiny motherfucker, it's hard to say who's more evil, serial widow Charlotte Schultz or Wells Fargo heir and bluegrass enthusiast Warren Hellman, but having them together at a "Sexually Transmitted Diseases" presentation with the Gavin goes beyond Surrealism and into Post-Modern Art. You're right. Bill Wilson's portraiture belongs at SFMOMA. Maybe Warren can donate a wing just for that purpose.
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