i'd never listen to bloomberg for this long...

Mayor Gavin Newsom has posted his weekly video address! I've been trying to call him "Mayor" more, have you noticed? This is all based on a West Wing conversation between Debbie and Jed, er, President Bartlett. Anyway, Gav posted a new video!

First of all, could it be more obvious that he's taken my advice to heart? No. It could not. Right away, Gavin kicks off the video with personal interest stories, like congratulating a Claire Murphy on her retirement after 40 years of service working for the city. In an uncomfortable move, Gavin tries the "We will miss you!" at the camera, but it's a little awkward, like when the boss shows up at the office birthday party and tries to say Happy Birthday to some admin he's vaguely aware of. But what do I know? They could be best friends.

Anyway, Gavin then goes on to applaud ACT on their 100 year anniversary and mentions he'll be there this weekend. (Han Sup Shin, I'm talkin' to you.)

All of a sudden, Gavin kinda screams at the camera.

"HEY!"

Introducing a wacky change of pace, the Mayor congratulations City Attorney Dennis Herrera and Jose Cisneros on being sworn in and makes a joke about how boring their elections were.

This from the man who ran against a naked dude.

Getting down to brass tacks, Gavin starts explaining shit to us and I have to say, he's doing a pretty good job. He is clearly in a fabulous mood in this video, something I find refreshing and reassuring. Now, the uptight, naysayer, hate-him-because-he's-beautiful people will roll their eyes and kick their compost boxes in frustration. But for those of us who rely on elected officials to know what they're doing so we can go on with our oblivious lives, it's nice to see our city's leader feeling good about his job and explaining shit to us in a non-condescending yet easily understandable way.

(A Guardian reader's head just exploded.)

Gavin starts explaining the phase two of the light rail thing in a neighborhood no one goes to and gives a shout out to the Mayors who started this project before him, "all the way to Art Agos." As you know, we love Art.

Then he starts talking about the cloudiness in the water, which my panicked neighbor brought to my attention a few weeks ago, and Gavin's all, "Relax, it's just air in the water. It'll go away. And here's why it's happening."

Exhale.

Thank you, Mayor. I think he's taken a cue from my best friend, Examiner columnist Melissa Griffin who always is able to explain things to me without making me feel like an idiot. Regular people are never going to give a shit about anything if every time they ask a question, you make them feel stupid, right? Try asking an uptight, alarmist, picket sign holder why the water's been looking a little weird. You'd get a 4 hour lecture and walk away wondering if you need a CAT scan from all of the toxins that are probably in your system because of corporations and moderate Democrats and people who forget to bring their own cloth bags to grocery stores.

Anyway, Gavin and his great mood do a good job touching on the weird water and the "event" that happened with that kooky Nigerian fellow on an airplane. The Mayor starts talking about airport security and "Body Imaging Technology" which I suddenly envision walking through and having a better body image. He mentions that walking through this body image thing is way better than getting patted down because apparently, to find the new terrorist tools asshole murderers are using, we'd have to assume the position or similar. The Mayor was disappointingly vague on just how personal security would have to get without these fancy scanners.

I noted that Gavin's obviously got someone holding up a list of bullet points, but for the most part, he's shooting from the hip. He's got this stuff down, or at least memorized. And as he let's us know that Wednesday is his State of the City ("I know how excited everyone is about my State of the City" ROTFL), Gavin says, "I love working without notes. Sometimes I go on and on."

It is at this point in the 12 minute video that I notice Gavin has no notes in front of him, just what appears to be a stack of ignored papers and a highlighter.

Not a pen, folks. A highlighter.

(Please fill in 8 million possible questions/concerns/jokes right here.)

Well, Mayor, if this is the mood you're in when you present the State of the City (on YouTube at 6pm PST) then I say, ramble on my stunning friend. This week's address gets an A-! The only thing that could get this guy an A is a new outfit and adding me to one of the frames behind his desk. And A+ would require him getting out of the office, some editing and flashy graphics, maybe Gavin interviewing a hobo...surprise me!