Big Chris, who I met because he worked with my 2004 roommate Bonnie, has somehow stayed around for year after year after year. And while I can offer no explanation for why he's still hanging out with me, I can tell you that Big Chris drives me nuts, he's offensive and weird, he's awkward and slutty and he is incapable of arriving at my home without announcing, "Maid's day off, huh?"
But I love him.
And so, because I've been slacking off on the birthday blogs recently and really because people are occasionally appalled by his behavior when they meet him, here are my Top 5 Things I Love About Big Chris:
5: He helps my friends move. A very dear friend of mine was going through a weird, uncomfortable divorce and my brother and Chris were dispatched to her apartment to gather her things. It was all very covert, Mission Impossible, highly personal and Chris just got to work and got her the hell out of there. He then never let her hear the end of it.
4. As I once explained our friendship to our mother, who is secretly concerned I'm going to end up with BC, the guy shows up. He's reliable. He is where he says he's going to be. Chris is on time, he comes through, he'll attend any event with free booze and eat anything I cook.
3. All I really ever need is funny. And Big Chris is very, very, very funny.
2. Big Chris is surprisingly wise. And while his advice is often blunt, rude and tough, he's often right. He's like Yoda in Air Jordans.
1. He secretly loves me back.
Happy Birthday Big Chris!!!