Sunday, January 31, 2010

be a san francisCAN, mayor. not a san francisCAN'T...

Impressively, Mayor Gavin Newsom hasn't given up on the YouTube updates to us, his San Franciscans. Disappointingly, this weekend brings us a snoozer. I watched the whole thing thinking, "Okay, Gavin. It's my birthday. All I want is a flirty shout out."
13 minutes and 23 seconds later, I emerged from my local policy coma snubbed.
Highlights include "in-house, non-financial betting" on who's speech would be longer: the Mayor's or the President's. Wanna guess? Yeah, Mayor McChatty.
I wonder what his staff wagered with? Gum, maybe? Don't forget. Gum IS Public Enemy Number 1. Gavin still hasn't come back to his urgent message regarding his fight against gum. I hope everything's okay in the Mayor's Office of Gum. People are probably getting fired left and right everytime Gavin sees gum on a park bench. If you thought Walgreens banning cigarettes was bad, just wait until they arrest you for trying to buy some Juicy Fruit.
Speaking of cigarettes, new stores (or stores with new owners) within spitting distance of schools can't sell smokes. Oooohhhhh. Big whoop. I could get weed and booze in high school. Cigarettes were the least of my problems. My tapered black jeans, however, well...that's another story.
Also, cruise ships bring us a lot of money and cell phones are bad for you.
Like I said, this week was like watching paint dry. He should have just read the phonebook, if phonebooks still existed.
In addition to getting out of the office, interviewing other people and changing his ensemble, I am formally asking the Mayor to provide us an update on Public Enemy Number 1. You can't drop the terrifying threat of gum on us and then never mention it again. I'm losing sleep over this.
HERE's a link to Gavin's birthday-less YouTube. It gets a D+. Yes, I know. This week is the lowest grade ever. His GPA is screwed...

4 comments:

C Wills said...

If you're looking for a birthday thrill, you MUST try to mimic his hand-dance routine. It's tricky! It's like Dance Dance Revolution for just your hands! I'm full of FAIL.

C Wills said...

Fisheye lens and all, another thing...

Look at the size of his hands in comparison to his head. It's freaky.

:30 in and I've flunked the DDR hand dance competition.

generic said...

Yeah, but thankfully a failing grade doesn't preclude one from holding public office. Like in statistics, for example.

In fact, I've heard you can fail statistics twice and still be elected mayor in some cities.

sfurbanist said...

We still receive plenty of phone books here in Hayes Valley. Now that plastic bags are on the decline, I'd like to see a YouTube update about those pesky phone books.