Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
I can't say I'm not disappointed. A whole year of fodder was just ripped from my hands. I'm a little sad and a little curious about what's next for the Mayor. Will he return to the private sector and give up the spotlight? Or will he run again?
Beats me, but he's promised the following, according to the Chron:
At a City Hall news conference dealing with the bay oil spill, Newsom was asked whether he would be in town this weekend. He said he would be, and that reporters "would have a political story Sunday." He did not elaborate.
I'm going to be pissed if it's something boring...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Weekend What's Up is coming to TV!
I know. I know. This is all so exciting. But wait. It gets even more glamorous.
We're going to be on KOFY. Remember KOFY? Yeah, Channel 13! We're filming a 60-second version of the Weekend What's Up (in addition to the "web-exclusive" version) and it'll run Thursday-Saturday "at least once during our afternoon Springer/Wilkos block and once during our Scrubs/Star Trek block on weekdays/weeknights."
So all of you Steve Wilkos Show viewers? HI!
(This moment was made even better by the fact that the clip up on the Steve Wilkos Show website is entitled, "I Lock My Wife In A Closet.")
Weekend What's Up will also be on KOFY in the middle of the night, so if you have a job and aren't' home watching the commercials during Jerry Springer or Star Trek reruns, then please stay awake because I might or might not be taking you to commercial during Perry Mason.
Anyway, thanks to the folks at KOFY! We're so excited the Weekend What's Up is hitting the airwaves (during the Steve Wilkos Show) and I can't wait for the 1 in 843,491,293 chance of people that were mean to me in high school to stumble upon this.
And also, thanks Kieran and T-Rog for finally gettin' me on the boob tube...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being so gorgeous and so famous and so convenient for me. Thank you for never collapsing into the Bay or succumbing to terrorism. Thank you for your cables and your color. Thank you for not only being so much more attractive than your counterparts, but so much more reliable. You're like the opposite of people, what with your good looks and yet, great personality.
Thank you for never letting suicides get you down. Thank you for tolerating tourists who videotape you while hanging out the windows of their rental cars. Thank you for keeping your shit together when everyone else is losing theirs.
Thank you, Golden Gate Bridge, for being there for me throughout my entire life, for never letting me down, for getting me to school and to work every day. Thank you for your fast track lanes and charming gift shop. Thank you for your film and television appearances and your prominence in Sleep Train and Lexus commercials. Thank you, old friend, for the reassurance that when I hear a bridge breaks, I know it's not you.
Sure, you've been closed a few times. Like for really horrible car accidents or because Woody Harrelson wants to save a tree. But it's never your fault. Nothing is.
You, Golden Gate Bridge, are my favorite bridge. And I love you.
*Photo taken an hour ago, on my breezy, Full House-esque commute...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
1. Poker Face/Lady Gaga. I was thinking maybe "Ghetto Gaga" with bubbles all over me and a blonde wig or some version of poker face. Maybe like an illegible poker face (can't read my, can't read my...gays get the idea.)
2. Halloween Spirit Store costume. You know, Geisha or sexy vixen.
3. Star Wars nerd. You know, this party is thrown by Lucasfilm. Either they have a sense of humor about this stuff. Or they don't. There's only one way to find out.
My brother, the ever-topical Alex is going as the Wii version of himself, which means he's green with "ALEX" floating somehow over his head. I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that.
Finally, 7x7 Magazine has some designer-y Halloween costume ideas for you, including a Gavin Newson option. This would be fabulous, obviously, had they gotten the tie right. My GOD, 7x7. My God. I don't think he even owns a red tie.
Seriously. Help me out in the comments. I'm grasping at straws here.
Wait! Could that be a costume. Grasping. At straws.
Okay, I'm getting desperate...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Heh. I love the gentleman on the right. "Alright, Mr. Mayor. Doin' good. Just press the red button and...no. NO! NOOOO! I said the RED butt...AHHHHHHH!!!!!"
I really hope Gavin was making tractor noises while he was playing in this thing. He certainly looks like he's enjoying himself! I recall my first thought at the notion of Gavin Newsom running for Governor being that we'd get to see him do weird shit. This counts.
Thank you, Bill Wilson for always capturing the magic of a moment. And e-mailing it to me...
Step there. On the step. C'mon dude. The step. It's right there.
This is perfect for Awkward Family Photos. I'm submitting it!
I christen this hole in the gound "Gavinsylvania!"
"Wait, wait. Before I go, Ima do Affleck's monologue from Good Will Hunting."
Honestly, this has been just lovely...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Much to the disappointment of many, we ended up being "Crazy for Swayze (RIP)" which was, as Joey pointed out, "kinda funny and not gross."
That is actually what I look for in a date, so my night was kinda working out well. Our team grew from 6 people to eventually 11. Our number angered the other teams to a certain extent but honestly, more cooks in the kitchen is not necessarily better. We kept switching our answers because people kept changing their minds. It was all very tense and exciting.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And so, because we made a mutually beneficial deal, here is my half of the bargain.
My favorite quotes from last night's dinner include, "I don't know if I can make it. I might have to run an election in Kosovo" and varied suggestions for Halloween costumes, most of which are too inappropriate to actually mention.
Richard, welcome to the internet.
Speaking of Halloween costumes, I need a good one by this Saturday night. My wonderful brother is taking me to his company Halloween party. And I have a feeling these folks take Halloween pretty seriously.
I like the idea of something really topical, but obviously everyone's thought of Balloon Boy and that's already old news. I'm desperate for suggestions, so please feel free to hook me up. What are you going as? Or are you too cool to dress up?
Worse comes to worse, I could go as someone from Mad Men. But my favorite character right now is Carla, which would employ one of last night's inappropriate (yet topical!) suggestions and Alex would never forgive me...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
He had a swizzle stick in his coffee and he stood across the little coffee kiosk from me, swirling his powdered creamer for an unnecessarily long time while blatantly staring.
As is my tried and true staring theory, when someone stares at you, you need to stare back at them while offering the "What?" face. They will inevitably look away and feel remorse.
My staring back trick did not work on The Stirrer.
He just stood there, swirling and staring. Like a serial killer, with a stupid little grin on his face. I'd stare at him unsuccessfully, then look back down. I'd try staring again. He wouldn't give up!
The grin! The swirling! The staring! I was one Tom Petty version of American Girl away from being someone's woman suit. I actually wondered if he was blind and thus, unaware that he was being so rude, but he didn't have any of the blind people accoutrement's (sunglasses, white cane, dog, piano, etc.).
Finally, I managed to get coffee, milk, Splenda, a cup cover and a cup cozie (all while being stared at) and as I went to grab my purse from the counter, The Stirrer walks past me (still stirring) and admires a display of stuffed animals. SuburbaGas has an actual display of caged stuffed puppies for "adoption." It's bizarre and clearly, called to The Stirrer. He started reading their adoption information aloud and chuckling. I couldn't figure out if he was trying to draw me into a conversation or was just a fucking psychopath, so I got the hell out of there and attempted to pay for my coffee.
In front of me in line was a gentleman who was there to redeem his winning lottery ticket. He'd won $100 and cheerfully announced, "I probably put about $390 into it, so it all works out, I guess."
Opposed to talking to strangers in gas stations, I didn't point out to him that no, it has not all worked out. He spent $290 on the joy of one winning scratcher and he should be horrified. But there is some bureaucratic complexity to awarding a $100 lottery ticket, complexity I was now privy to as I was stuck behind Mr. Lucky.
SuburbaGas is where someone recently won like, a billion dollars on a lottery ticket. I imagine this is why it's now packed with God's mistakes.
I finally paid for my coffee and as I walked out the door, a gentleman walked in who (I'm debating even mentioning this) looked exactly like Mohammed Atta.
I'm not saying I think this gentleman is a terrorist. I'm just saying he looks like a really famous one. He probably hears it all the time, so relax. He even gave me a look that was like, "Yeah, I know I look like the leader of the 19 September 11th terrorists. Get over it."
And why did he give me that look?
Because I was staring...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
I can see stars.
It's disappointing to say the least.
I love a good storm. I love big, fall weather for the worst reasons possible: the clothing and the Agatha Christie-type setting it provides for murder mysteries. This promised storm was supposed to strike at midnight, but it would seem all of that information on where to get sandbags got us riled up for nothing.
It's all a big jip, as far as I'm concerned. This is, of course, what they'll read at my memorial service when my car spins out of control in the rain and wind and I die in the middle of the storm I was complaining about.
This storm is supposed to be so big, the news is offering advice! It's all very exciting and I feel like I'm at a concert waiting for the headliner to stop dicking around backstage and start the show.
Brilliantly, Katie tweeted, "it sorta feels like Christmas, waiting for this storm."
I hope we wake up to presents...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
This is what it looks like when someone is completely freaking out inside, by the way. I'm not talking into the microphone. I'm about to throw up. Anyway, the video and the re-living of the experience will be up on Monday. But they will live on in my heart forever...
*photo credit: Margot Duane for the MVFF!
Friday, October 09, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Yeah, I was there.
Buzz abounds, but you can find my version of the marvelous mayhem and shit flying on today's See Spot Write...
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
You're really got to watch the whole 2:32 masterpiece. It almost makes me want to take the bus. I can't help but wonder, "Would I have held her back?" I can't decide.
Please for to enjoy...
*DISCLAIMER* I just read this comment, which I'd anticipated and feared getting when writing today's Culture Blog, as evidenced by my writing, "Please forgive my sweeping generalizations, but here's what I noticed." None the less:
"I'm glad to hear that the vacation was fabulous...a very gay word, thank you very much. My impression of your observations is that you have not spent very much time around lesbians. You sound almost anthropologist-like. Describing how they act, what they wear, how they fit into very particular gender roles. I would expect a little more sophistication and familiarity with the huge subculture of LGBT life in the SF Bay Area from you."
I like how their first sentence just negated their whole point. However, let me just say that had been on a gay-man cruise, an old people cruise, an Asian cruise, a family cruise, really any type of specific cruise at all, my observations would be equally "anthropologist-like." And no one would have accused me of ignorance and a lack of sophistication. I think it's the nature of the best, being an outsider in any capacity. But it was a lesbian cruise. So, you know, see above...
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Yeah. I'm totally allowed.
Alas, Tim the Trainer disagrees.
Thus, he's kicking my ass 4 (yes, four) days a week and telling me what I'm allowed to eat. I disagree with this plan completely. Again, I'm not drinking. I don't know if I can really drive home how much this sucks, but I assure you, it drives me to hysterics frequently.
Melissa asked me on the cuise, "So, do you ever think about it?"
Are you kidding me? I was able to point out to her from memory what every single person in the dining room was drinking. I was like Jason Bourne in the diner scene when he knew all the license plate numbers in the parking lot. I should be some kind of undercover spy for Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm so conscious of any and all booze within a 100 yard radius.
(I'm at work right now and I know the number of bottles of wine in storage and that there's an opened but untouched shitty Chardonnay sitting in the fridge that's been there for weeks. I still want to down it like there's no tomorrow.)
Anyway, as I sit here eating my salad with proteins and Pellegrino (fuck you, Tim), this is my promise to keep you relatively posted on my progress. The more I see pictures of me when I was a drunk, the more I'm like, "Oh hell no."
So in the interest of my massive vanity, and because Tim is good enough at this that I'm wearing my clothes from two years ago, I'll give you the skinny. (heh.)
And if you live in the Bay Area and wish to join me on this shitty, crappy journey through hell, where apparently, biscotti counts as a cookie, you should hire Tim. Which you can do HERE.
Or you can email me and I'll hook you up.
Maybe we can even work out together and you can laugh as I cry, complain and use my latest excuse, "I think I have an undiagnosed heart condition."
Also, if you're going to hire Tim, which I recommend that you do, you should also watch The Biggest Loser so we can discuss. Tim will even do the Coach Mo voice, which is the 4th in his repertoire of training voices.
Be warned, however, that 100 calorie packs are not allowed.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Friday, October 02, 2009
I almost died.
State Senator and Saint Mark Leno was having a fabulous party, the reasons for which I still can’t put my finger on. But he’s gay. The man doesn’t need a reason. The Who’s Who of the Homo Community was there is full force and here’s what I can report:
Supervisor Sophie Maxwell introduced Assessor Phil Ting as the Treasurer. Somewhere, Jose Cisneros is gasping, “Oh hell no!”
Supervisors Bevan Dufty, Ross Mirkarimi and David Campos were also there, although I spoke with none of them. Ross kind of scares me, Bevan was swamped and…who wants to talk to David Campos? Actually, I’ve never heard him speak. Maybe he’s fascinating. David Campos could be the most interesting person in the world. He just doesn’t look it.
I chatted with D8 Candidates Rebecca Prozan and Scott Wiener, both of whom were lovely, friendly and funny.
I also spoke with D8 Candidate Laura Spanjian.
Mark gets a little flack for never meeting a microphone he didn’t like, but I have to say, he’s a wonderful speaker. Suddenly, I care deeply about some ballot measure in Maine. In fact, I think Mark and I should go to Maine and protest. By protest, of course, I mean sitting in matching Adirondack chairs in front of a vintage lighthouse watching the waves of the Atlantic crash upon the rocks below and discussing Mad Men…
*See Brock's version of the event HERE and Bill Wilson's version of the event HERE.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
And the Nob Hill Gazette. I love it, I love it, I love it. Particularly THIS article which goes on and on (and on) about how to look fabulous in society photos. Penned by Dino-Ray Ramos, the main bullet points you should be aware of when being photographed by Drew are:
- Relax with confidence: ("You’re posing for a picture, not performing open heart surgery.")
- Get Legs for Days: ("This is a red carpet practice that many celebrities have invested in.")
- Know your fellow posers and your surroundings: ("It’s best to take pictures with style and class when attending these events because it’s always nice to be invited back the following year.")
- Either you’re in or you’re out: ("There’s always Facebook.")
- For the guys: ("Turn, tilt, smile. A closed-mouth smile will make you look less goofy and more dashing.")
- Smile, but not too much: ("This is not a passport photo.")
I'd need to take off my shoes to count the number of people I actually know who will rip out this article and memorize it, regarding these magnificent bullet points as gospel for gala season. And why not! The next time I'm having my society photo taken (by Brock with his camera phone for Facebook), I'll remember the wisdom of Dino-Ray.
Like you won't...