Sunday, December 06, 2009

it DOES have the 8th largest circulation in the world...

I have never been one for horoscopes. In fact, when Zoe and I lived together, I'd charge her money every time she'd roll her eyes and go, "Typical. Scorpios."
Melissa, my fellow Aquarian, is exactly the same way and as we stood around the 500 Club, she grabbed my arm. "Our horoscopes say that someone's going to say something mean to us tonight but we're just supposed to let it go."
How, I ask you, is this helpful? In retrospect, no one said anything particularly mean to us all night. They could have been saying mean things about us, but if that was the case, we were none the wiser. THANK GOD. I don't need to hear that shit. I'm hard enough on myself.
This was like the time a friend's roommate claimed to "have the gift." And as we waltzed out the door to kick off our evening, he came running after us. "Wait! Wait!"
We stopped dead in our tracks.
"You guys." He was out of breath. "Something's going to happen...on stairs."
"What?"
"Be careful on stairs for like (gasp, pant) the next 24 hours."
You should have seen us walking down the front steps to the sidewalk. It must have taken 20 minutes, step by step. We brought flashlights, held hands, the whole nine years.
I was much the same way walking into that party with Melissa. I was frozen, convinced the Heathers were going to march up to us and tear our accessories to shreds. Much the way I smile at suspicious passengers on airplanes in the hopes of wooing them into friendship, I was grinning at every person I saw. "Hi, I love your coat. And you, what a terrific dress."
They kept it to themselves, but they thought I was nuts.
Information from the stars is not helpful to me. In fact, it has the opposite effect. I'll end up dramatically overcompensating just because Mistress Esmarelda from the Weekly World News suggests I shouldn't make any big decisions on the 7th.
With a hot tip like that, I might as well not leave the house. Or should I? Oh GOD...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like your new header-photo. A lot. T.P.

Big Jer said...

I'm liking the new color scheme.
And GO AQUARIANS!!!

Melissa said...

Light is better than darkness. That's all I'm saying.