Wednesday, December 30, 2009

i'm responsible for half of those cigarette butts...

Mayor Gavin Newsom posted a new video and no, he does not mention me.
I watched the whole thing just to make sure.
But the good news is, I managed to make it through all 13 minutes. Why? Well, I'm not going to lie. I pretended like we were on a date having a really one sided conversation the entire time.
Once again TAKING MY ADVICE, the Mayor comes to us from his office desk, surrounded by framed photos. And, much to my delight, has unbuttoned his collar and rolled his sleeves.
I know that the second Gavin landed in the lower 48, he announced that he's sick of being charming. Or something like that. Basically, Gavin doesn't want it to be all about personality anymore, which I take as a personal diss, but whatever. Don't give me those bedroom eyes if you don't want me to swoon, Newsom. I know how this shit works.
Anyway, he's still doing what he's officially called a "weekly" video and I couldn't be more pleased. Kidding aside, this is a good thing, right? Sure it's basically a commercial for how much everything rocks, but everyone knows the most important part of any relationship is communication.
So this video...not half bad. It's amazing what I will find interesting when desperately listening for my name. But since you probably care in different ways than I do, here are what I deem to be the highlights:
1: "Gum is Public Enemy #1." I swear to God, he says that. If for no other reason, you should watch to hear Gavin Newsom bitchslap gum.
2. He looks fucking fabulous. I'm sorry, but the man looks terrific. He's got some color, he looks healthy. He's like a really good looking Jesus, he's glowing that much. Maybe he's getting laid a lot. I wonder by whom.
3. The photos in the frames behind him appear to be professional moments, not personal ones.
4. "Don't fret about our solar efforts." Oh, okay. Good. That's a load off.
5. I like his watch but I am OVER that wood paneling.
6. He goes on and on about New Years Eve and how we need to use common sense "drinkin'...alcoholic beverages." Also, "unloading your weapon is the dumbest thing you can do." Word.
7. The second best part (after the gum) is where the Mayor gets all excited that way less people were murdered this year since like, the beginning of time. Then, as a means of explaining that the number of deaths doesn't necessarily relate to the amount of crime, he starts talking about people he's seen (personally, in the hospital) who've suffered 5 bullet wounds and survived compared with someone who's taken one hit "in the leg" and then gotten a blood clot and died. Hearing him detail these wounds is just weird. In general. Coming out of his mouth. On our date.
So this week, I actually recommend you watch Gavin Newson's YouTube "it's not about personality" 13 minute and 35 second personal update.
I'm going to start rating them, and much like a teacher trying to encourage the kid who's obviously trying, Gavin gets a B+!
You can see the whole video HERE. It starts off with the Mayor "joking" that not very many people are watching. Do the guy a favor.


Matt Stewart said...

Dear Beth,

Couldn't you pick another guy to have a faux(?) crush on? Somebody more deserving of your affection? I assure you that Gavin could afford to lose more admirers. In fact, it might afford him some good if he lost even MORE admirers than he has over the past couple of months. In fact, I don't think he can afford to not lose more admirers real soon. It would keep his considerable narcissism in badly needed check.

Here are some suggestions of guys that are more deserving of your affection (albeit decidedly less sexy or whatever):

1.) Noam Chomsky
2.) Howard Zinn
3.) Chris Daly (SOMEBODY needs to love him, right?)

Besides, I don't think you can love both the incomparable Sweetie Melissa Griffin and the pigathon that is Newsom at the same time without having an aneurysm somewhere in the not-so-distant future.

generic said...

Dude, this is San Francisco. YOU CAN'T TELL US WHO TO LOVE.