Friday, December 04, 2009

i love alex, but this makes me wish i had a sister...

News recap for the out-of-towners: Adorable family driving home from the airport after a Thanksgiving trip to Hawaii is killed by a 19 year old running a red light. 2 days later, this winner and his current lucky lady break into the dead family's home and steal everything.
Look at this guy. Am I wrong in thinking I could totally kick his ass. I'm harder than this motherfucker. By a lot.
Also, nice curtains.
Anyway, he claims he didn't know the family had JUST tragically died. Kenny from Can't Hardly Wait over here just got a hot tip that a house would be empty and primed for his mad burglary skillz.
But God bless the Chronicle's Henry K. Lee for getting the quote of the century from Shithead's ex-girlfriend's sister. Again, this quote is from the sister of the ex-girlfriend of the gentleman in the upper left.
"...he treated her sister, she said, 'like shit, straight up. Our family is mad because, hello? She just had twins and he leaves with this broad.'"
Sister of wronged baby mama, I love you. I would like to hang out all day with you in a mall hair salon and get the 411 on your inner circle. Also, this vernacular sounds perfectly professional and appropriate to me after spending 2 hours last night watching "Jersey Shore." (Vinnie got pink eye.)
It's hard not to want to drive to Sonoma and beat the Red Bull outta this guy, but I feel a little bit better knowing that should he ever walk the streets again, he'll have to contend with the sister of his ex, who YOU KNOW will be all up in his shit until the day he dies...
*Also, your Weekend What's Up is, well, UP...


Anonymous said...

Pink eye that apparently fell out from between some guidette's thighs while dancing.

Two Words -- The Situation!

Melissa said...

Don't worry, Bethy. My quote on your behalf would be something like "This mutha(bleep) piece of (bleep) can (bleep) himself and the goat he road in on. And you can (bleep) tell that (bleep) to kiss my (bleep) cuz he ain't (bleep). If Beth were here she's say the same (bleep) (bleep)"

Representin'. Klassy. All the way.


Steve said...

This burlgar is the lowest form of life. Hook him up to the third rail. Beth, in your writing, I love your well placed WTF's and MF's...very funny.

Elizabeth said...


I was like "Nahhhh...she can't mean THAT Kenny because surely I am the only 30-something who saw that movie enough times to even know who Kenny from Can't Hardly Wait might possibly be!"

Except yes! THAT Kenny!

Chalking this one up to another reason I read you.