oh, and bring an orange scarf...

(Deep breath.)

Brock and I saw Precious tonight. 

(Deep breath.)

You know how in commercials for scary movies, they show you the audience reaction shots and you see night-vision of people in the theater physically freaking out. At one point, I had to look away, twisting my head to the side and that's what I saw. Couples, groups of gays, collections of women all with their hands covering their gaping mouths, gasps and "No!"'s and torsos contorted in shock. In sadness. In shame. In sorrow. 

It's not gory, really. It's just...(deep breath) very intense. 

Brock and I were joking around as we waited for the movie to start. We kept screaming out, "Precious!" as the lights dimmed. 

Then we shut the fuck up. 

I am struggling to find the words to describe the performances of the women in this movie. I think Brock put it best with his post-cinematic walk sigh, "That armpit. My God."

It is a tour de force of unexpected, raw talent. 

Precious is incredible and I really recommend you go and see it, but let me tell you, that shit is no joke. I would also like to suggest, since 2 (two) families in our theater didn't grasp this concept, this movie is not appropriate for children unless you want them to ask you the ins and outs of violent incest. 

I instantly fell in love with Precious the moment we get to go inside her head and into her magical, over-the-top fantasy world. This place Precious retreats to at her darkest moments is pretty much...hella gay. Deep down, Precious is the greatest fag hag ever. 

Speaking as someone who often retreats into my magical, over-the-top fantasy world when simply stuck in traffic, the second I saw Precious in a leopard trim frock and swing coat set with her homo boyfriend blowing kisses to the paparazzi, I knew right away. 

Fantasy montage! Precious honey, I live there. 

In closing, (deep breath), Precious is amazing. If nothing else, it'll make you really appreciate parenting skills. I'm predicting an awards season sweep, and if Gabby Sidibe wins an Oscar, she'll get the GREATEST FANTASY MONTAGE EVER BUT IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!

Sigh. Deep breath. Precious...