Every month, when that glossy, plastic-wrapped Bible arrives in my mailbox, I scan the cover and pick which article I'll read first. This month, in white print across Robert Pattinson's elbow was, "Hunting An Internet Sex Predator by Mark Bowden, page 211."
Am I the only one that loves getting the page number right away? I can't be.
Anyway, this article is all about this woman cop (I feel like an old man saying that and I like it) who sits all day in her basement office trying to entice men in internet chat rooms to admit that they're pedophiles. When she's able to get them to meet her, someone (presumably Chris Hanson) arrests said men. Well "J" was one of the woman cop's targets and he proudly (or as proudly as one can by still using the name "J") insists that he was simply role playing.
"Oh, internet chat room lady, you get off on screwing little kids? Okay, me too."
Basically J's saying he just wanted to bang internet chat room lady and if he was to throw some kids into the dirty talk, he didn't see what the big deal was.
J spent a year in jail.
What do you think about this? Because I'm torn. On one hand, I just saw Precious. I'm am feeling especially violent towards those that sexually abuse children. On the other hand, if consenting adults want to talk about all kinds of kooky things that may or may not get them off, how's that illegal? And finally, why is every single party covered in Vanity Fair (page 134) at the Monkey Bar? Oh, because Graydon Carter owns it. My GOD, I want to go to the Monkey Bar.
We get to read lots of the chat transcripts in the article and it really does seem like this J guy just wanted to talk about naked times with a lady, maybe even meet the lady for naked times if she's ever agree to it. And in these transcripts, this woman cop keeps going, "Well, don't you wanna bang my kids too?" She keeps bringing it up, over and over. So J's finally like, "Yeah, yeah. (Eyeroll at the pervy chat room lady) Sure. Whatever you say. So when can we meet?"
J was married, by the way. But he and his wife couldn't stand each other. And he was pumping himself with steroids anyway, which made him horny all the time. Actually, I thought that was the opposite of what was supposed to happen. None the less, he gets arrested, spends a year in jail and now has to attend molester therapy classes where they made him talk about how into kids he is. Which he isn't.
So this article I was so excited to read, the sex predators on Robert Pattinson's elbow? Well, it's really all kind of sad. And has me very freaked out about getting arrested for having written any of the above.
Or below, for that matter...