I have to live-blog the Flipping Out Season 3 Reunion. For the two people that care.
10:02: I do not care about the business/real estate aspect of this show. Talk about Spirit!
10:03: Oh, the crazy clients!
10:04: I'm very love/hate about Andy Cohen. Jeff is NOT SINGLE?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! "This person doesn't want anything to do with the show." I wonder if it's a celebrity. And by that I mean, I hope it's a celebrity. Let's guess!
Oh, great question about lunch! Jeff IS always mean at lunch. "We have six people. And we have four brown salsas" is the name of my next blog.
10:07: I still don't get what's so horrible about Jeff's former BFF, Ryan? Oh! We're now discussing bathroom breaks. Jeff announces when someone goes #2. It involves "rollover minutes" and is highly complex. Jeff seems nervous.
10:09: Natalie Portman is on Top Chef tomorrow and there's a twist! What could the twist be? She's vegan. That's my guess. I would think to be that flawlessly beautiful, you must suffer horrifically. Hence, vegan.
10:13: Jenni the "long-suffering assistant" is here! I like her a great deal. Andy likes her denim jumper. And Jeff's bringing up her divorce! This is getting awkward.
10:16: This is very uncomfortable. Housewives work better in the Reunion format. Oh, Jeff only hires attractive people. I like how someone wrote in and asked. Someone who's probably ugly.
10:17: Deb's here! Much like Jeff, Deb is also my favorite employee at Jeff Lewis.
10:20: Zoila Chavez! In a new uniform! Jeff got her a new uniform so she matches the decor. I think Zoila just insulted Jenni and no one noticed. Also, Zoila's husband disappeared? What? This sounds like a Raul Julia movie! Zoila and Jeff have martinis and play games. Oh, how I miss drinking. I would be Jeff's maid just for this. Plus, that uniform is adorable. It's very spa-employee.
10:23: Oh, oh, oh! Ryan's coming.
10:25: I hate THIS commercial more than anything.
10:28: Former lovers/partners/best friends Jeff and Ryan are face to face for the first time in 4 months. Does business always come between friends? I think Jeff misunderstands Google links. Or maybe I do. Anyway, I'm never going into business with Melissa. You know, I'm torn on Ryan. He seems smart and calm to me. I'd hire him in a heartbeat. I'd LOVE to have him redecorate this shithole.
10:31: Ryan is so chiseled! Also, Jeff seems genuinely both sad and insane.
10:32: By the way, these men are excellently dressed. Take notes, gents.
10:34: Jeff is losing it. Ryan was a neuroscience major? This is very internet-complex. This argument is all about website routing and Google hits, which does not make for good reality television. The yelling, however, does.
10:35: Anyone who watches this show knows full well Jeff and Ryan have separate businesses. No one would hire one or the other misunderstanding that, sponsored links or not. Am I retarded? "Professional identity theft?" "Defamation of character?"
10:37: Sometimes I can't tell if Jeff is serious. I think he is.
10:38: This fight is just sad. They seemed like real friends. I've lost real friends before and everytime I think about it, it always still makes me a little sad. Don't do it, Jeff and Ryan!
10:43: Is Ryan going to cry? Oh God, this is heartbreaking. Jeff is so mad about this website thing, he's officially ended their friendship. On national television.
I think even our host, Andy is like, "Jeff, get a grip." This is nuts. Agree to disagree.
10:46: Oh my god. This is making me so grateful for my friends. This is not a fun TV show. They are both talking about how horrible this friendship ending has been for both of them. Oh, this is tragic. I am taking this so hard. This fight is so real and so uncomfortable. I agree with Ryan on the technicalities, but poor Andy is stuck in the middle. The Real Housewives fight so much more ridiculously than this.
10:49: What is a Mexican standoff?
10:50: "Okay.....okay......okay....." -Andy Cohen.
Jeff is screaming/sipping a Frappuchino.
10:51: I think Jeff might be a difficult artistic genius. He's crazy. But brilliant? Oh, Ryan's getting brutal. "I'm not on the payroll. I can walk away..."
Jeff and Ryan just got up and Jeff walked into an office, said "Get me that paperwork" and closed the door. Commercial. Exhale.
10:53: Sorry I dropped the Culture Blog last week, by the way. Day job is nuts. But tomorrow's will be up and I hope you like it. Also, I think this uncomfortable and sad Flipping Out Reunion is making me feel like taking care of relationships right now. Like my relationships with you. I hope this week makes up for last week!
10:56: We're back. Ryan's gone. Jenni's back. "That was tough."
10:57: Everyone is crying. Jeff wanted Ryan to come with a different approach. Oh God, Jeff crying. Me cringing.
10:58: What does Zoila think of all this?
10:59: And now we're laughing. Oh, a reference to death! Spirit!
God, a sad, awkward ending. Oh, Deb came back. A final, relieved giggle.
11:00: Please let Thursday's Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion be more insane and much less sad than tonight's. What a weird hour of television to live-blog. I was not expecting the pain and heartbreak. Ugh, what else is ON?
Oh! Joe's on! And here he is. Yay Joe! Joe's standing in the middle of the Bay Bridge right now. The shitty, closed, About to Fall into the Bay Bridge. Anyway, that's it for my live blogging/TV watching. Maybe we'll try it during Housewives? I need practice...
PS: Stay tuned to Channel 5, tho. Joe said they had to cover the Richmond gang rape today, so I think that's coming up. There are apparently 25 witnesses. What. the. fuck...