If you've just returned from abroad, allow me to catch you up. Last month, Dave gets into his car only to find an Alex Forrest-esque package resting on the passenger seat. Inside the package, he finds incriminating photos of him banging chicks on his staff (I'm paraphrasing, obviously) and a demand for 2 million bucks. Or else!
Dave goes to the cops, the cops and Dave get all John Grisham/recording conversations/fake 2 million dollar checks. Turns out, Dave's being shaken down by the ex-boyfriend of his ex-ho/assistant. The ex-boyfriend, incidentally, works for the television show 48 Hours, which is about how long it took for his jig to be up.
Anyway, what I think we all care most about is...Dave? You bang your staff?
Had I known this, I would've majored in communications and gotten a job as a page.
I kid, I kid. I'm actually kinda creeped out by the fact that David Letterman, while only recently married, has been with his wife for 20 years.
The ex-ho/assistant is basically my age. (Okay, she's older. But most are.) Anyway, the point is that Dave's obviously been screwing around on his main squeeze.
I know he's a big celebrity, and possesses the sexiest quality imaginable, humor. But Dave? David Letterman? Ladies man?
Also, why is David Letterman, who strikes me (perhaps incorrectly) as a pretty normal, low-key guy, always surrounded by bizarre capers and scandals? There was a thwarted plot to kidnap his son. There was his stalker who broke into his home. And now there's mysterious blackmail packages left in his car.
You're telling me LETTERMAN doesn't have a car alarm? Shit, I'm amazed he drives himself. When I've got my late-night talk-show, I'll be requiring the services of a car and driver, if for no other reason than to avoid unfortunate situations like these.
To answer my mother's question, asked during our weekly post-Amazing Race phone conversation (Team Asperger!), I think Dave handled the scandal really well, going on the air, revealing the foiled plot and admitting that yeah, he bangs his staff. Tonight, apparently, he'll apologize to his wife. (You can see it online from the East.)
Good. He should.
I mean, I'd love having a hilarious, successful, worshipped and rich husband. But I don't need him and his scattered ass splashed all over the tabloid rags. It's humiliating and unfair.