Tuesday, August 11, 2009

i'm putting my money on alien attack...

Disaster in imminent. 
Earthquake, terrorist attack, assassination...something's about to happen in seconds. 
Why?
Because CNN.com is tempting fate with the HEADLINE, "Peanut-free night lets allergic kids enjoy game."
El Presidente of Costa Rica has swine flu, they pulled 2 bodies out of the Hudson, a 9 year old was raped, "scores" died in a Taiwanese storm and a woman threw a cup at the Mona Lisa. 
But the most important thing CNN needs us to know is that it's gets-picked-last night at the ballpark. 
As far as I'm concerned, this is the biggest jinx in the world. Aren't we at war? Isn't everyone getting fired? Shouldn't CNN send someone to like, North Korea and tell us what's up? No, no, no. Because Kyle who's allergic to peanuts has some shit to say. 
I'm all for these poor, sad handicapped people who'll die if they're in the same room as a nut getting to enjoy a normally nut-packed American pastime. What do I care! Let 'em go to the circus next!
I'm merely suggesting that perhaps by choosing "Peanut-free night lets allergic kids enjoy game" as tonight's HEADLINE, CNN is begging the universe to put a dramatic, tragic end to the official definition of slow news day...

6 comments:

Greg said...

+100000 points for content
+100000 points for style
+100000 points for brevity
+250000 points for "Shouldn't CNN send someone to like, North Korea and tell us what's up? No, no, no. Because Kyle who's allergic to peanuts has some shit to say. "

CNN has just been PWNED.

Kristen Holden said...

Absolutely agreed. This is why I just cannot watch television news. It's ridiculous.

Kenneth M. Kambara said...

Damnit! I was hoping there would be another big CNN Michael Jackson story like an interview with an ex-housekeeper's cousin.

big jer said...

Spots!
I COMPLETELY agree! I live off of news website headlines and CNN ALWAYS seems to focus on something lame! Good catch!

Mousqueton said...

I guess you were so concentrated on big news that you missed this small item We are going to be toast in 2012. As we "clueless Florida sun worshipers like to say, "Leave me alone so I can enjoy my depression"!
I will leave you alone to enjoy yours after watching the video.

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