Sunday, August 23, 2009

does the massage come before or after the hamburger...

I can't explain why I love the television show "To Catch A Predator" so much. It's not like I find child molesters hilarious or anything. But TCAP (To Catch A Predator) has these bizarre moments where I can't help but shoot the side-eyes. 
I think my favorite part of every episode is when host Chris Hansen emerges from behind the hastily staged Cost Plus rice-paper screen or batik curtain hanging in a doorway and says to the predator, "Why don't you have a seat?"
He then gloriously and dramatically examines the gifts the predator has purchased to present to his internet teen friend. "What's this you have here? Flowers, chocolates, nice....what's in the bag?"
"A hamburger." The predator nervously answers. 
"Oh! A hamburger. You thought you'd bring dinner?"
"She say she like hamburger."
Chris could not be more smug. "I see. Anything else in the bag?"
"I bring Pepsi."
"Ahhh, a Pepsi. So flowers, chocolates, a hamburger and a Pepsi. Wow. Got anything in your car?"
"Um, what you mean?"
"Did you buy anything and leave it in your car?"
As Chris Hansen reveals in a voiceover when the predator is eating driveway, "In the car, Florida State agents found condoms and massage lotion." 
Everytime he says something like "massage lotion" I become 11 years old and get the a case of the smirks. I don't know what's funnier: Chris Hansen saying "massage lotion" like it's a bloody knife or the fact that some 43 year old shithead thinks his 13 year old internet girlfriend is going to want a sensual massage a la Waiting to Exhale...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

maybe you can't say 'lube' on tv.