Tuesday, July 21, 2009

see vooz plate...

If you're just trolling around, get lost! But if you've been here for awhile, I need your help. I've got to submit my best 2 posts EVER to the big wigs (or really, in all honestly, the friends of the friends of the assistants of the big wigs.) Normally, I find myself charmingly droll, but this task has taught me that I've produced nothing worthy of a rejection letter on some very recognizable stationary. What should I submit? Any favorites? Ever? Seriously, help. 
And while you're at it:
Since I won't do it unless I say it, Brian and Melissa my agents are producing an evening of me reading my 7 or 8 of my most humiliating and hilarious posts. Chef Dan's even offered to host this event as his fabulous Palio d'Asti. So, uh, what the hell should I read? Seriously, help. 
While you're doing my work for me, I'll sit right here until I come up with something interesting... 

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I especially enjoyed all of the posts that you did about your grandmother.

Anonymous said...

Matthew with the man hands (at the salon w Zoe), and anything involving Andy.

Patricia Appelquist said...

I like the Gym one here from
Monday, July 25, 2005
don't sweat it...

"I went to the gym this morning before work. I know. I know. Unheard of. But I’ve got a meeting after work and I figured I’d just go in and crank it out, hardcore. (That’s Zoe’s gym terminology, not mine.)
......."

jmc53 said...

I like anything with you family vacations, rehab, catching you apartment on fire just about anything you write is funny and worth here live

jmc53 said...

whoops here = hearing

Jenifer B. said...

I vote for the kombucha post on 6/03/09. Hysterical...

JFBF said...

It probably wouldn't work well reading out loud, but I first started reading you when you were writing about Swiss Miss, and how she's a gal's gal, and she didn't mean to say that an addict whore seduced her boyfriend - except that it was so true... that shit cracked me up, and I've been reading ever since!

Fredo said...

Does it have to be fromt his site? Because your deconstruction/commentary on Da Mayor's column about attending the nuptials of Mayor McHair and Swiss Miss in Montana was BRILLIANT.

big jer said...

SO MANY to choose from, Spots! Your grandmother posts, all of them, are always incredibly touching, yet beautifully humorous. I'll keep thinking!

nikki said...

I don't remember the date, but the one where you imagine a conversation among all of Gavin's women - Kimberly, Swiss Miss, the Scientolgist (what's her name?)...that one is an oldy but a goody...

Anonymous said...

lone male dancer
Thursday, March 12, 2009
fa-lap ball change...

Summer camp from hell
Sunday, May 17, 2009
this is my eharmony ad...

Seana said...

I have to say the ones where you met the fire fighters in Reno was HI-larious. For reading aloud, I think that your inital post about rehab was remarkably brave and on top of it, an excellent example of your skillful delivery. I also agree that the posts involving your grandmother are breath-stoppingly funny. Pretty much love all your work though...

Karyn said...

as awful as it is to say - I liked the one where you talked about the luggage on the Hudson River Flight one...

Amy said...

I love all your posts, but my favorite was the one from the wedding of the gay Republicans, but I think that was from SFGate. Does that still count? And your grandmother postss are really great, too.

Natalie said...

Your recent post about the airport (and the people in them) was hilarious, as was the kombucha one.