I'm always looking for blog fodder to keep you people entertained.
"Oh shit, we just a flat tire!" Blog fodder.
"Mel was in a bar fight." Blog fodder.
"My cousin was murdered." Blog fodder.
And often, when people don't want to attend some potentially horrible event or activity alone, they drag me along under the guise that I might get some fodder from the experience. Like my friend Maria, who sent me this:
"Do not say no without hearing me out. My friend and I are going to try the pole dancing class at the S Factor on Filbert. You are going to come with us. It is supposed to be unbelievably fun. My friend is taller than you and older so no excuses. It will be fabulous fodder for your blog too!"
I like how this friend is taller and older than even me, the tallest and oldest person to burden the planet. First of all, if this friend is taller than me, this friend is officially a freak. My brother and I both maintain that one more inch onto our 5'11" and 6'5" frames respectively and we've far exceeded the regular people charts and moved into medically unique. Second of all, I'm 31. While not wild about my rapidly advancing age, I can still, you know, tie my shoes and work a portable phone.
As for this pole dancing thing, I'm wisely hesitant. No one wants to see me pole dance, not even a bunch of giggling 30-something's who high-fived during Sex and the City. Other than my having enough body issues to fill an Oprah audience, I assure you I will awkwardly and begrudgingly stand next to the pole, holding onto it like a microphone so I can make jokes at everyone's expense, including my own. There will be no dancing, so twirling, no stilettos and certainly no seduction. I don't drink anymore, Maria. I'm way less fun at this kind of shit. And even if I was drunk, I'd just sprain an ankle...and not necessarily my ankle.
Didn't they do this on the Real Housewives of Atlanta? And wasn't it awkward? That being said, if you've had experiences with this class or something like it, let us know. Hell, if you know a salty old stripper with some good pole tips, let us know...