6 months ago today I had my last drink. And by drink, I mean 25 Gibsons and a case of wine. If I hold out 6 more months, I get a different colored "I used to be a junkie" keychain, so why fall off the wagon now? Since I'm always complaining to my friends about how much IT FUCKING SUCKS not be able to drink, I thought that in honor of my 6 goddamn months of Shirley Temples, I'd tell you the best thing about being in recovery.
The no hangovers are nice, sure. And I look so much healthier, when I see before pictures of myself, I actually look like a before picture. I've got way more money to blow at Target and for the most part, friends, acquaintances and strangers are insanely kind and wonderful to me.
That shit's great and all. But it's not the best part of being in recovery.
The best part of being in recovery is that "being in recovery" is the best excuse for anything ever.
Lame house party and it would be rude to leave early? "I'm a little freaked out by that open bottle of wine."
Boss asks you to work late. "I've really got to get to my meeting. You know, meeting."
Family driving you nuts on vacation? "I just need some time alone to work on my recovery."
Oh, of course! Take our credit card! Leave whenever you want! Can we have cake and presents delivered to you somewhere?!?! My GOD, you're so courageous! So brave! Such an heroic example!
Seriously, the best perk of what is admittedly a horribly, painful, shitty struggle is that other than drink, I can basically do whatever I want and everyone pats me on the back for being such a trooper. The slightest hesitation to anything on my part and people clutch their pearls and gasp, "Of course! Whatever you feel comfortable with! Don't pressure her! She's in recovery!"
Other than love and support, I suspect my friends and family react this way because they feel a twinge of guilt ordering wine in front of me. Good! They should! Diet Coke pairs beautifully with NOTHING! And often times, I do need to be treated with kid gloves and little encouaging pats on the head because staying on the wagon is some rough shit.
But truth be told, the biggest perk I'm loving from this whole recovery thing is basking in the round of applause I get everytime I don't wake up in a dupster...
*Thank You Brittney!