Saturday, May 30, 2009

let me tell you a'something about my family...

Let me just preface this post by saying that I find the mafia fascinating, wonderful and an important historical slice of American capitalism. I am all for the media glorifying organized crime as it related t0 Italian Americans in the 20th century. I don't want to sleep with the fishes, folks. I'd be a fantastic mafia wife. And I don't know nothin' about nothin'.
That being said, let's please discuss the totally fabulous mafia connection found in The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
(If you're not watching this show, stop reading now, go grab a Wall Street Journal, you fuckin' bookworm and go fuck yourself.)
Okay, now that they're gone, you know Caroline? Sisters Caroline and Dina are married to brothers Albert and Tommy Manzo and they all own The Brownstone, New Jersey's premiere wedding destination. It is important to note that Caroline and Al have three kids, including a very hot son on his way to law school named Albie and we love him. Oh, how we love Albie.
Turns out, Grandpa Manzo, whose nickname, I shit you not, was Tiny, was found "naked, bound in plastic, and stuffed in the trunk of a Lincoln Continental with four slugs in his chest. It has been reported that Tiny was whacked after he was caught skimming the take from an illegal casino owned by the Gambino crime family in Staten Island."
Favoloso!
Caroline told some blog called the Beast, “In August of 1984 my husband and his family were victims of a horrific crime [Tiny’s murder]. To this day, 26 years later, the family does not know the whys or the hows of that event…the real crime here is the assumptions that are made against this family.”
You would think this would be the most interesting thing about Albert "Tiny" Manzo, what with the wacking and the Lincoln Continental. Nope. The most interesting thing about Albert "Tiny" Manzo is that he ran for Mayor of Patterson, New Jersey in the 70's on a platform advocating public hangings.
And lost!
You'd think all of Patterson, New Jersey circa 1974 would think public hangings were a terrific idea. I'm shocked Tiny didn't win in a landslide...a landslide of dirt from a shady construction site that just happened to bury alive some no-good, fanook babbos and buttons.
Alright, alright, Caroline. I believe and adore you and your family, nor do I particularly want to fuck with any of you, except maybe Albie. So I'm totally on board that Tiny was the victim of a tragic, unsolved crime. Nor do I believe all of the crappy reviews of the Brownstone. The place looks like a real classy joint. I think it's a nice touch that the website links to other local and recommended businesses one might want to hire when holding an event at The Brownstone. Like John Agnello Photography.
Agnello, Agnello...where do I know that name from?
Oh yeah...

6 comments:

Clair said...

I knew it! I'm just glad somebody else agrees with me.

On a related note, if you haven't already, you need to read the book Paddywhacked, about the Irish influence on organized crime.

Tim said...

Before I like you... I don't like you!

Anonymous said...

'Hosting the times of your life' - even their tagline sounds a little ominous like, 'enjoy this moment because it may be your last.'

Anonymous said...

What about Miss Beverly? Seriously Tuesdays can't come fast enough now!

Brittney said...

You are so getting murdered.

Chiara Soprano said...

Great blog! You might enjoy my blog which deals about mob related subjects, but focuses on the Mob Wives! http://mobwives.blogspot.com/

We are pretty proud of it.