Monday, March 09, 2009

i'd go for a chilled bottle of belvedere and a charcuterie board, myself...

My "about me" over here on our right was long overdue for an update. Having nothing else with which to describe myself, I selected my favorite quote, which I'd like to explain in case it's of concern.
First of all, I'm pretty sure my favorite quote, again last words, were those of Oscar Wilde who said, "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."
But this fabulousness is disputed and I'd hate for my favorite quote to be some queen misquoting the wonderful Mr. Wilde. My second favorite quote is the punchline in a story best told by Don Rickles about the time he asked Frank Sinatra help him impress a broad. If I had a video of Don Rickles telling that story, that's what I'd post for "about me."
Since I'm such a fan of famous last words, I figured I'd go with Thomas Grasso's, who was executed by the state of Oklahoma for, as far as I can find on the internet, murdering two elderly people on two separate occasions. Before leaving this world, Thomas left us with:
"I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
I love this quote for a couple of reasons. The first is that I'm always interested in prisons, criminals, last meals, last words, etc. The fact that Mr. Grasso chose his final words to complain about his food is really goddamn interesting to me. The second reason I love this quote is because he requested Spaghetti-O's as his last meal. I'm wondering if Spaghetti-O's weren't available and the prison cook didn't feel like running any errands for a convicted murderer or if the chef decided to class up his order and seemingly upgrade it from canned "Eye-talian" food to a glorious taste of the old country. Either way, Thomas was having none of it. Did he eat the O-less spaghetti or refuse it in one last protest? Is there a story behind the Spaghetti-O's, perhaps a last grasp at his lost childhood, a denied meal by an absentee father the moment before he walked out the door for a pack of cigarettes, never to return leading Tommy to pursue a life of crime? And did he order anything else? Dessert maybe? That last question I've found gloriously available on THIS blog.
Here's the meal in it's entirety: a dozen steamed mussels, a Burger King double cheeseburger, a can of spaghetti with meatballs, a mango, half a pumpkin pie with whipped cream, and a strawberry milkshake.
Anyone else with me on the mango?
Anyway, this quote from a guy who strangled an elderly woman with her own Christmas lights and was pissed enough about Spaghetti-O's to make complaining about it his last words pretty much sums up me. Completely...


Seana said...

while I have a hard time believing the fabulous Ms. Spotswood would be caught [dead] anywhere near Spaghetti'Os, I LOVE the new pic.

Generic said...

Who put Rachel Maddow up there? Am I on the wrong blog? I'm looking for Spots.

Brock said...

Spaghetti'Os are delicious.

Sweet Melissa said...

I imagine Beth's last words on death row to be something along the lines of "this jumpsuit is really quite unflattering - the least you can do is take my postmortem photos from the left side."

Which is why I love you, Mang.