Tuesday, March 03, 2009

i should really get out more, but it's raining...

I haven't written about "my shows" in awhile and I'd hate for you to think I'd given up the greatest gift the Lord has given us: television. People are always recommending shows and it's all I can do not to tell them to shove their programming where the sun don't shine. I do not care about Lost, Amanda. I couldn't give a shit about Slings & Arrows, Sara. Tool Academy, Tim? I don't think so. 
While waiting for the third season of Mad Men, here is what I'm watching:
The Office: Duh. I have to admit, now that Pam and Jim are all boring and engaged, much of the thrill is gone for me and my Phyllis coffee mug (oh, yes.) but I've got to admit, this being able to watch pretty much anything online is awesome. Not that I have a life. I'm just forgetful. I'm all about Andy Bernard. Ever heard of him?
30 Rock: Again, on the obvious. Again, online. That Alec Baldwin, voicemail and all. And Kenneth the Page is my future husband, hand to God. 
Friday Night Lights: Dude, don't even watch it. You'll just get mad at me and it's going downhill anyway. How does a guy in a wheelchair have a kid? Coach Taylor's turned into Michael Landon on Highway to Heaven. He needs to stop going door to door fixing everyone's lives with his inspirational football analogies. And don't get me started on Tammy. Season 1, she's the coach's wife. Season 3, she's the high school principal? Jesus Christ. But I've committed myself and I really like the theme song. Plus Landry just tried to hit on a lesbian. 
Real Housewives: Um, hell yes. This is the greatest show on Bravo right now. We're currently on New York, but I love 'em all. By far and away, The Countess is my favorite. I can't really imagine any other nobility types going around insisting that cab drivers call them Countess. I love you, Luann! Oh shit, I mean Countess. I'm on Team Jill and like everyone else alive, Simon and Alex give me the creeps. Why is Ramona still even on the show? I suspect Bethenny practices her admittedly hilarious commentary beforehand and what's with the new chick who a) is not that hot and b) stands around saying nothing. Give me a NeNe from Atlanta any day of the week. I know Anderson's with me! This is one of my few shows not available online. Bravo's only concession is that they re-run this crap every 13 seconds. 
17 and Counting: Say what you will, but this show on The Learning Channel about the Bible-thumping Duggar Family is pure heaven, especially when you figure out that little Jedidiah is OBVIOUSLY gay. Or is it Jeremiah? Anyway, they make their own clothes, don't believe in "individualism" and talk about Jesus all the time like it's normal. Weirdos!
Freshman Year: These are actually little 10-13 minute shows on CNN.com where 2 Freshman Congressmen are given little video cameras and we follow them around as they learn the ropes. Jared is a gay Democrat internet millionaire from Colorado and Jason is a married Republican skin cream salesman from Utah who sleeps on a cot in his DC office to save the taxpayers money. You. Will. Thank. Me. 
The Amazing Race 14Oh good God in heaven, the Amazing Race is so goddamn good. You should all say a prayer that my brother and I get on the Amazing Race 15 because we truly, truly deserve to be. It would just mean way too much to me. This season, Mike White and his father Mel are a team, and needless to say, my favorites. Mike White, you may recall, wrote and appeared in School of Rock and his father Mel is a gay evangelical preacher. Hello? Could this be more fabulous? No. Plus, they're pretty much the cutest team ever. Mel is so earnest with his poor groin injury and Mike is so patient and bisexual. Thus far, the highlight for me as been Mel praying for wind and God's answer. Also, I'm loving Margie and Luke, the mother/gay deaf son team who "speak their own language." Please see Eve and Tim for impression of Luke arriving at the end of each leg. Am I the only one thrilled to see Victor crying? What a douche. Also, I could not have pulled off those leotards, although I thought they were incredibly cute, were they not? 
Finally, and you can watch this on Comcast on Demand or Hulu, Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay. I usually end up watching 54 episodes in a row, it's so fun to see both behind the scenes restaurant shit and Gordon screaming and yelling at everyone in his hot accent/chef outfit. 
Obviously, since I'm not super-glued to a barstool anymore, I've got some more time on my hands. I'm also up in the middle of the night, so all of this internet programming keeps me highly entertained. I hope you find it as enjoyable as I do, mainly so I have someone to discuss it with. 
Oh! And in other disturbing news, I have a new creepy true crime for you we'll be discussing soon. Lock your doors and turn on your televisions...

9 comments:

Cali said...

I guess you haven't seen 17 and Counting for a while because it's now 18 and Counting. Also, they aren't the huge family that makes all their own clothes, they just shop at thrift/second hand stores. All the girls wear dresses all the time and the Mom says it's because God likes it.

For me, it's like a train wreck. I can't help but look. I'm an only child and this is totally alien to me.

As for the church thing, I have issues. I don't associate "christian-ness" with goodness. At all. In fact, I associate it with ignorance, intolerance, pedophilia, self-loathing, guilt and suffering. Plus, I'm not sure how they can believe the entire world and everything in it is only 6000 years old. They may as well believe in a flat earth.

Spots said...

Oh really? It was 17 and Counting tonight, back to back! And they went on and on about this dress pattern and how all the girls just love to make the same dress, which was of course, marvelously hideous.
Jim Bob jumped out of a plane and right before he got on it, he asked (pregnant, obviously) Michelle to name the baby Jim Bob if he died. LOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

I had to scroll a bit to find out, but I'm glad to see you watching Amazing Race. I like the brother sister Harvard Asian lawyers, and the uptight I know everything older bro, who wasted half a day following white & blue paint on trees thinking it was the AR red & yellow directions, and then breaking down crying when even finally admitted he was wrong. This guy has thousands of clones in the world, and they all have to watch this guy receive wisdom crying on his butt.

Seana said...

Bravo also has "Rescue Me" which is a show not-to-be-missed. HAWT fire fighters, swearing sex and awkward family situations centered around alcohol and drug abuse. What's not to love?

Seana said...

Wait, I lied, not Bravo, FX. I get confused with all the cable stations

jenieddie said...

Beth, please tell me you are watching "I survived..."! Great stories by victims of horrendous crimes (people who were splashed with acid, raped by a serial killer, etc - and survived!). It's on the Biography Channel - I tape it on my DVR.
http://www.biography.com/isurvived/

PS - Love your blog!

Moonrose2715 said...

Have you discovered Dexter yet? It is a showtime original, but CBS began airing it last year too. Showtime is filming season 4 at the moment, expected to air this fall, but you must start from the beginning. Any show that the Parents Television Council tries to keep off the air, must be good. This is what they said about it: The biggest problem with the series is something that no amount of editing can get around: the series compels viewers to empathize with a serial killer, to root for him to prevail, to hope he doesn’t get discovered."

Oh yes, Dexter, we do root for you, you sick bastard.

Seana said...

@Moonrose2715 - I couldn't agree more, Dexter is sooooo worth rooting for.

LB said...

You had me until 17 and counting. Really? Really??? I like the trainwrecks, I mean, I just watched an entire Bachelor season, but overpopulating the planet with jesus-freaks and giving ratings to them as encouragement for more - I can't do it.