We can't marry the gays anymore. Our First Lady thought registering as a member of the American Independent Party counts as being an Independent. And now we're home to the biggest douchebag in America.
Who's not even American.
Stephen Fowler, like other international pillars of society, recently appeared on ABC's Wifeswap. Wifeswap is obviously a really fabulous show wherein 2 dramatically different families swap moms for 2 weeks. So you know, circus clown-wacky mom switches families with uptight-frigid mom. Hilarity and tears can only ensue.
Anyway, Stephen and his wife, Renee Stephens live a mere neighborhood away from me in Noe Valley in an ice cold igloo of a "mansion" and they swapped wives with Midwestern family, The Longs where Mr. Long was admittedly no rocket scientist. The swapped wife, Gayla, however, is of course this perfectly nice, normal, down to Earth, capri-pants mom who then had to move in with Captain Shithead.
Stephen Fowler turns out to be quite possibly the most horrible person alive. Somewhere Osama Bin Laden is muttering, "What a fuckin' douchebag."
At first I thought Stephen was faking it, he was being so laughably rude to his new "wife" who, in turn was responding and reacting like a perfectly rational, mature adult. Stephen's kind of like the high school villain in an 80's teen movie. No on really talks like that, do they?
Oh, they do indeed. And their leader is Stephen Fowler, who again, lives in our fair city. On and on he went, mocking AT LENGTH Gayla's education, her income, her weight... all the while smug, cocky and proudly bragging about his education, his income, his apparent health. Marvelously, this made him come across as an unsophisticated, new money dipshit. Oh, and he only wore environmental slogan t-shirts the whole time he was on national television because he, you know, cares so deeply.
I know a couple of high falutin' mucky mucks, real classy-type San Franciscans who have bigger houses, better degrees and hotter bodies than Stephen Fowler. And there is no conceivable event that could make any one of them treat another human with such blatant cruelty. Can you imagine Charlotte Schultz growling, "“Agenda? That’s a big word for you. Clearly your two languages appear to be bad English and redneck.”
The world is now in an anti-Fowler uproar, posting his personal and work information on the internet and creating my favorite new website, www.stephenfowlersucks.com. I just called his cell number and surprise, surprise, his mailbox is full.
Sadly, the irony of someone who announces their apparent IQ results on a television show called WifeSwap is lost on Stephen Fowler. Maybe he's too busy packing for his appearance on "I Love Money 2" or "For the Love of Ray J."
Hey, at least it'll get him out of town...
9 comments:
Well played
the funny thing is, he was wearing a t-shirts that said "tree huger". How can you hug a tree when you can't respect a human being. I guess that's why the word hypocrite is there to define fowler.
Ok no one on this show was coming off as a genius, but I have to say, thanks to this dumbfrak, once again a stereotype of San Francisco is alive and well all over the world, via tv and The Interwebs because of this douchenozzle.
If I see this guy on public transportation, well, let's just say he's going to be written up in The Blog, and it'll involve a hilarious story of him having a comeuppance of sorts.
Oh and his douche-y Britishness offended every British person I know. America, please don't pray for a fucking quake to ruin our asses because of this green mean douchebag machine.
Besides, Beth is like, way awesome and calling him out on this so be nice to us America, mmmkay?
"I know a couple of high falutin' mucky mucks, real classy-type San Franciscans who have bigger houses, better degrees and hotter bodies than Stephen Fowler."
stop, you're embarrassing me, beth!
Beth,
Thank you for your post. Over here on the right coast we have some "high faultin' muckey mucks" and I can honestly say I have never met someone who is so without class.
I also want to say, I paid my first visit to your fair city a few months ago. I went there thinking it was full of flakes, fruits and nuts but found the people there pleasant and helpful.
-Rob
PS I was browsing your writing, you have a great sense of humor. Especially your little piece on fear about using the restroom.
"That girl was, is, and always will be nada!" - Steff
I can't believe some people...
I'd like to add that I deeply appreciate that you have blog lables for BOTH douchebags and offensive assholes.
Arrogance, is that the true meaning of rudeness? Such behavior changes me from a pleasant individual into a finger pumping tirade talking about flaming assholes and who gives a shit about your supposed upbringing. Usually just an IDIOT. MARIO....
Hug a tree but drive a Beamer that isn't a hybrid? A douchebag AND a hypocrite.
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