Today's Culture Blog IS UP!
Sorry for the delay.
And a quick follow-up story...
We weren't really able to get any food at the event. The lines were too long and when the crowds finally died down, the food was of course, gone. Had we been drinking, Mel and I'd have decided an epic dinner at Epic was in order and dropped another $400 on being obnoxious in a fancy restaurant. Oh, how I miss those days. Anyway, around 10, I hugged Melissa goodbye and on my way home, swung by my ghetto-ass grocery store to pick up ingredients for my new favorite snack, cucumber sandwiches.
I was still all dressed up and feeling quite fetching, wandering the produce section still wobbling around in heels. A totally aesthetically appropriate guy walked right up to me and made conversation. He wasn't creepy or weird, he wasn't particularly douchey. He was actually quite cool, considering I was holding a giant cucumber.
And as I sensed he was about to ask for some type of contact information, I busted out with the following lecture:
"I'm actually not allowed to date for a year. I know, I know, it sounds weird. I mean, who knows if I'll even follow this rule, but I'm in recovery. I...I just got out of rehab and it's called the 13th step. Have you seen 28 Days? We're not supposed to date until we get our shit together and look at me rambling. My shit is obviously not together. Oh God. I'm so sorry. This is ridiculous."
This is pretty close to verbatim, as if I was performing a monologue from an 80's sitcom. And the truth is, few actually adhere to the 13th step. I certainly have no plans to. I just can't shut the hell up and am so profoundly concerned that one day, I will have to tell some man I once went to rehab, it tends to be the first thing I blurt out.
The poor guy just stared at me, smiled and said, "Okay. Well, you look great. Congratulations. Take care."
And all I could do was stand there looking terrified while the man that was probably meant to be my first husband walked over to the booze aisle and tried to forget about the crazy lady in produce...