Sunday, November 23, 2008

from the drunk's mouth...

I've been trying for weeks whether or not to tell you fine folks what's up with me. I've gone back and forth, consulting the inner circle and writing and re-writing some brilliant way of explaining my regrettable lapse in blogging. The opinions of said inner circle are mixed, but after a long talk with my brother this afternoon, I'm spilling the beans. And I'm doing it on my personal blog because you bitches are far more loyal readers than I'd ever deserve, so you get the moderately interesting scoop first. Plus, I'd rather you hear it from me than from, say, some shithead commenter. Needless to say, I'm saving the good shit for a book.
Fuck it. Here goes:

It ain't no picnic, I assure you, but after seven days, I feel pretty goddamn amazing. Turns out, 648 Gibsons a night can make one feel like shit. So I'm nipping my little habit you've read so much about in the bud and, as my dear Andy put it, drying out in the 28 day spin cycle. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I mean, I tell you folks when someone gets my order wrong at Peets. I assure you, I've got a lot of drunken versions of this post. But being below the legal limit's got me all honest and shit. So if we could spare me the crap in the comments, at least for now, I'd be forever grateful. Or I'll just rip on you in group.
Today was the first day I could have visitors, at least since my folks dropped me off a week ago, my arms folded across my chest and mascara running down my face as I clutched my pillow and suffered through my last hangover. I feel like a totally different person, and yes, I realize that this is my karma for calling him Mayor McRehab.
Again, the good, dicey, hilarious, totally-worth-the-wait tales are on their way someday. But for now, I really, really miss you...

42 comments:

Clair said...

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Good for you for having the courage and self-awareness to take care of yourself. I wish you all the best!

Be_Devine said...

Fuck said commenter. And fuck anyone who would snicker, sneer, or find any karmic justice in your present situation..

You are far more brave than I could ever hope to be. You certainly are more brave than the legions of people who hide their various addictions while destroying their lives and the lives of those who love them.

You recognized a problem and quickly set about making yourself a better person. You never looked to place blame on anyone else and you never looked for excuses. You stood up strong, you took personal responsibility, and you chartered a healthy future for yourself.

I do, however, have a bone to pick with you. You failed to trust enough in those who love you. I know I speak for more than just myself when I say that we fully and unconditionally support you and love you. If anyone doesnt, they dont deserve the gift that is you.

Oh, and something to add to you workbook: try to make it through next week without thinking about the chocolate chip cookies that youll be eating next Sunday. that's an addiction rehab can't cure, bitches. If youre good, Ill bring enough for you to trade on the inside.

Jennifer said...

i am wishing all the best luck to you! i love your blog and admire your honesty and bravery in this situation... be strong and believe in yourself. i'll be sending good thoughts your way over the next few weeks.

Anonymous said...

Good luck gorgeous. You will do great.
I'm surprised Swiss Miss has two friends able to read.

Mousqueton said...

You go girl!! You only need yourself to be all you can be and though I have not met you, from your writings it seems to me you are blessed with a whole lot of yourself.

I think coming out was the right decision. Sometimes ones actions have a way of inspiring others without you even knowing. Call it collateral damage if you want.

In my case, even at the risk of sounding common place, I have to say that your obvious display of courage has made me think that maybe it is about time that I do something about my "Tanatic" relationship with cigarettes. God knows it is long overdue.

Best wishes and thank you.

Anonymous said...

I discovered your blog fairly recently and fell in love with it. Read every entry here, on SFGate and wherever else you linked. And, as I am wont, left comments now and again. Some pedantic (reading your posts at face vale, filtering out the irony), some challenging the position in your posts.

However, this go-round, I simply give you my support and wish you all the best.

Kay said...

Good luck, Beth.

mal615 said...

I love your blog, and even though I've never met you, I feel like you're an old friend. Take care of yourself, and know that your friends (the ones you know and the ones you don't) are behind you 100%. You're one of the lucky ones, you know - with people who love you and stand with you though good and bad. I wish you all the best, and can't wait for the book!!!

Meg said...

I don't know you personally, but always read your words with great admiration and envy, you're the braver writer that I wish I were...

I won't wish you luck, cuz it isn't about luck. You are stronger than you know, and I wish you nothing but best wishes for your new Chapters.

People close to me have travelled this journey, and it always makes me smile to see them turn into even a bigger and better person than I already thought they were.

Go get 'em! Your support system out here in Wisconsin sends you all the strength our frozen karma can muster!

Seana said...

Beth,
Thank you for sharing this with us. By doing so, it will lend you strength. I read your blog first and check more times a day than is healthy for someone trying not to be a stalker. When you posted that you were going away, I thought you were just tired of the city and needing to bliss out and write your book. If I had known it was rehab, my heart would have gone out to you sooner and I'd have been sending you healing energy the whole time. Stay strong and know that there are so many people that care about you, even if we've never met you.

Anonymous said...

With your big-little brother laying down his typically solid advice, and Hockenberry the sound track, you're in excellent hands, Ebeth. xo Uncle T.

Teanut said...

Aww, Beth! Good luck and take care!

blair said...

good luck, spots - and hurry back, your blog is a little shining light in my online world.

Anonymous said...

Good luck! I think it takes a lot of self-awareness and courage and admire you for it. Stay strong and I'm looking forward to your posts when you return.

brittney said...

Best to you, Beth. You are so, so brave. That you can still bring the funny at a time like this is a testament to your talent.

Anonymous said...

Have fun with it, Beth. Maybe you'll run into Gavin at a meeting.

Spots said...

Thanks guys!
It's really not THAT horrible. My view up here in St. Helena is of gorgeous, rolling vineyards. Clemens took one look off my balcony and said, "Well this is ironic." There's tons of drama, which I LOVE and my friends are awesome. I'll be able to blog a bunch, now that i don't have to pull stories about where I am out of my ass. So stay tuned. Shit, just this morning, S, V & I snuck out of walk and purloined some verboten caffine from the hospital cafeteria. It was glorious...

big jer said...

Spots!
You are, and will forever be Fabulous!
Miss you! Please know that your readers honestly care about you a lot.

Steve said...

Beth you are the funniest person this side of Forest Knolls.
I thought the wine pairing before The Play in 2009 would be sauvignon blanc and Milk Duds, but now it looks like Odwalla and Whoopers. I love your stories. You are a real treasure.

Anonymous said...

Go get 'em Spots! Your blog is a lifeline back home to SF...

Anonymous said...

Rock on, sweetie. And people who would rip on someone about rehab are unimaginative half-wits. They could, of course, rip on you for your love for Mayor Hairgel.

shayera said...

Best of luck Beth.

sfmike said...

One of my all-time favorite lines of yours was from a couple of years ago in a post entitled "Mayor McHooch":

"Exhibit C: The blueprint is clear; when in scandal, go to rehab. Everyone does it. Gavin is hardly original. I hope to one day be famous enough to do it myself."

Glad to hear you're finally famous enough and absolutely wish you all the best. You're supposed to leave behind all your (drunk) friends after rehab, at least for a while, but please don't forget me. We can sip tea together at the opera house and make fun of Dede Wilsey, who was actually quoted recently at SFGate saying, "Money and power and control are really horrible things."

With much love and affection.

Anonymous said...

Work the program. Hang the fuck in there. And To Thine Own Self Be True.

- Clemens

Anonymous said...

OH NO! What will Becky think?!

L'Italiana said...

I love you, Beth! Imagine - an even better Spots will emerge, if that's even possible! I'm rooting for you and know that wherever you are, there is sunshine!!

a reader said...

Sponsor suggestion: Mr. Hanley.

Patricia said...

beth you are amazing and iwill always admire you for your courage and humility plus i totally love the kawanzaa holiday stuff

Anonymous said...

Hurry up and dryout already. Your public awaits. Best wishes Spots.

Kimberly said...

Go Beth! Much love to you.

Jennifer in the Mission said...

Beth,

Thank for sharing and thanks for being real. Be well.

Jennifer

Anonymous said...

Beth,

You will have no idea of how many people you may have possibly helped just by sharing this immensely private look into your life. You never know who may just take a second guess at their own nightly cocktail count and perhaps make a needed adjustment. Your blog is the highlight of my day so keep em' coming girl! Xoxoxox

Anonymous said...

Good luck, I wish you all the best. I think it is very courageous and takes so much strength to go through this. You can do it!

rpnorton said...

Beth, though I've only met you in person that one time I've been reading your blog for a long time and feel like you're an old friend. I'm pulling for you. Go do the work you need to do and I can't wait to read about it all in the book!

Best wishes -
Rachel

kotamaris said...

I used to work at that place. That coffee suuuucked. If that don't cure ya, nuthin' will. But seriously, best wishes, and stay away from anything fried there (it's tofu, man! Tofu!)

Anonymous said...

Good for you Beth! That actually gives me a lot to think about as I have been considering doing the same thing. Its nice not to feel like the only one. Good luck to you, what you are doing is brave and you will be better for it, I know.

Marina said...

Good luck Beth! this is undoubtedly a tough time, but your bravery in confronting this head on (and sharing it)is admirable. Take care of yourself and I know you will come back better than ever.

Cali said...

Good luck and best wishes, Beth. You'll do fine with this and come home healthier and better than ever.

Kosmonaut said...

Good luck Beth! Stay strong.

John Corcoran said...

I missed your witty commentator so I just went on the SF Gate Culture Blog to see what was up with you. I was thinking maybe you'd taken a break since the Great Migden/Leno Campaign of '08 which gave you so much epic material and had likely left you spent. I was sorry to see you were off in "the 'Hab" as you said but am glad to hear you'll be back soon and better than ever. Keep up the good work, I love your writing (and not just b/c I like your Dad too).

John Corcoran
www.johnhcorcoran.com

Spots said...

It's almost a year later and I still come and read these comments. What incredible support. Thank you all so, so much. This means the world to me and makes me cry every single goddamn time. I am so grateful for this response...