nothing says funny like nambla...

I was one of Melissa's 9 dates to the San Francisco Beautiful Awards Dinner at the Mark Hopkins on Friday night. One of the reasons Mel is my best friend is because she will take any excuse to get a room at a hotel 3 blocks from her home. After running into El Greco and Kelny, we ventured into a gorgeous dinner at "The Fun Table", whose table topper announcing our table's sponsor was eventually reversed to read "NAMBLA", we went dancing at the Top of the Mark. Okay, well Devine and I danced. Mel, Tara, Pooja, Cyn, Hastings, Schlackman, Clemens and Tourk sat around drinking scotch and discussing foreign policy.
I'm horrified to report that the next thing I knew, I woke up on a bed in the Mark Hopkins with my earrings on, finding Mel and Tara and a table of untouched food ordered at 3am. What the hell are these matchbooks from the Big Four doing stuck to my leg? And this Le Club cocktail napkin shoved in my ear? Curious.
Tara politely excused herself, class act that she is, to, oh, I don't know, shower. Not us! When I discovered my doctor's appointment was cancelleed, Mel took one look at that old hamburger, pizza, club sandwich and sundae soup and picked up the phone. "Yeah, this is Mrs. Griffwood in 834. We'll be extending our stay and we need the Cyril Magnin Champagne Breakfast."
Hell. Yes.
I turned on the television, flipping around until HBO did the whole, "And now for our Feature Presentation!"
"Please be good!"
"Oh god, make this an awesome movie!"
"Please, please, please!"
The movie, folks, was E.T.
"Awesome." Melissa sighed. "I feel like I just won something."
We stayed in bed all day, never opening the curtains, never leaving the room. Much like a crack den, only with a bottemless basket of pastries, we occasionally got up to pee. That's it. And it was fabulous. I felt like we were on vacation, albeit an appallingly lazy vacation, but a lovely one none the less. We threw on the provided big white robes and sat on the floor, sharing the stereotypical girl talk, discussing Mel's possible spotting of the ex-fella in the FiDi Noah's, "It could be. I mean, he definitely eats bagels." and whether or not we'd tell each other if we discovered an alien in a garden shed.
There are few things we argue about, but I guess alien discovery is one of them. It was now noon, and I called my brother.
"Alex, would you tell me if you discovered an alien in the garden shed and needed to hide it?"
"Where are you?"
"Watching E.T. in a hotel room."
"Makes sense. Um, yeah. I'd tell you."
"You would!?!"
"Yeah, I'd need your help."
The kid has a point. I'm always up for a scheme or a caper.
Mel and I agreed that while we felt slightly guilty being so lazy, it was pretty great to suddenly find oneself on an impromptu holiday. I mean, shit. Working Girl was on next. "Call down to the front desk and request something!"
"Okay! What should we request?"
"I'd like to hear a song. And I would like one urban hot dog purchased from a street vendor."
"What song?"
I ended up splitting around 5, handing the valet my little card and a tip.
"Thank you, Mrs. Griffwood. I hope you enjoyed your stay."
You can say that again.
I had the giggles all the way home. Dude, our table said NAMBLA...

And now for the quote of the weekend!

"My goal is to be famous enough that I can bring a dog to inappropriate places."
-Melissa