i have a lot of experience with retirement communities...

For reasons that I won't get into, I was checking out the website of the old folks home where my grandfather once lived (and died), finding myself on their weekly calendar. It. Is. Awesome.
This is merely a smattering. You can see these old timers in all their glory right HERE.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26
2:00p Bridge Lessons w/Michael
6:35p Candle Light Peace Vigil
(I see 'em out on the corner all the time, screaming and yelling for peace...and quiet!)
7:00p Movie Musical - From 1943 -"Ghost on the Loose" -A. Gardner & B. Lugosi
(getting a little close to bedtime, no?)

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27
9:15a Johrei (Universal Life Energy)
(what?)
11:00a Clean Your Closet
(Is this an assignment or an offer?)
12:30p Gentle Yoga w/Solana
12:00p Moday Movie Matinee - W.
(these people have one foot in the grave and they're swwing W. before me.)
1:00p Inner Perspectives Support Group
(how much would I love to sit in on this)
1:30p Seniors for Peace - Pre-Meeting
3:00P Seniors for Peace - Richard Moore presentation "The Wars Continue"
5:30p Creative Writing
(Once upon a time, there was an old lady abandoned in a home by her no good family...how's that for creative, sonny?)

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28
10:00a Ethical Will
(because you're all about to die.)
10:45a Joy of Tai Chi
1:30p Trader Joseph's/Starbucks
1:50p Feldenkrais w/Maya
3:00p Drummers Group
(awesome. I wonder if my grandpa was in the drummers group? I know he took poetry!)
3:00p Bible Study
7:30p Young Imaginations
(details, please.)

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29 (Today!)
9:00a Nutrition w/Ramona
10:00a Watercolor w/Kay
10:00a Podiatry w/ Dr Jan
(one has to pick between watercolor and podiatry?)
2:00p Computer Class
2:00p French Social
2:45p Improve Your Balance

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30
9:00a Line Dancing Beginners
(there's also an intermediate, for those goddamn show-offs)
10:00a Newcomer Support Group
10:30a Line Dancing w/Walkers
(I could not be more in.)
10:30a Knitting Group
1:00p Innovative Memoir Writing
(See Monday at 5:30)
1:00p Flu Shots - Non-Kaiser
2:00p Ginkgo Memory Game*
7:00p Bingo

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31
11:00a Chair Yoga
1:00p The Redwoods Chorus
4:00p Peace Demonstration
7:00p Halloween Costume Party**

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1
10:00a Short Fiction w/Jim
12:45p Costume Parade Babies/Toddlers
(Ah yes, the grandchildren of a senior in a home. My mom would make us do this shit when we were like, 11.)
1:00p Meditation Group
1:30p Spanish for Beginners
2:00p Sally McArthur's 100th Birthday Celebration!!!
(followed immediately by...)
2:30p Glaucoma Group
2:30p Coffee Social

*My mother was visiting my grandfather/her father-in-law one afternoon and found him in "Memory Game." Pam or Sheila or whoever was asking them questions, so my mom hid behind a ficus and watched during the question, "What year is it?" Some old dude says "1978."
"No, Clancy. That was a long time ago."
"1920!"
"Nope, Eunice. Nice try, tho."
"2000?"
"Yes, Hazel! Correct."
Silence. Then my grandfather screams, "2000 EVEN!"
Which I now say all the time.

**My grandmother always dressed up with my grandfather (different ones that in previous story) for the Halloween Parade and one year (I have disturbing photo evidence) she went as a Spanish maiden and dressed him up like a "Chinaman." She found plastic buck teeth and drew bangs on his bald head with eyeliner. I'm sure the highly diverse staff found it charming.

And finally, there's something that's always ticked me off. On New Years Eve, they all turn the clocks to midnight at like, 7pm so the old folks can get to bed on time. My grandmother, who I think it's safe to say had a problem with everything, saw nothing wrong with this travesty. Hello? These people lived through wars and depression, much like us right now. Christ, if they made it one more year, let those dinosaurs party...