Because said list now has 2 foxy, married local TV news guys who laugh at my jokes! Count em, two!
Who, you're asking yourself, is this obviously insane regional journalist?
Folks, meet Joe Vasquez.
Ding Fucking Dong!
Loosened windsor knot, KPIX rock-band frontin', joke crackin', Kokkari drinkin' Joe is my new hero. Seriously, he could not be more adorable in every possible way.
I want Dan and Joe to have their own late night talk show, where I'd get to be their sidekick and pick out their trench coats for the big dicey stories "in the field." There'd be nightly guests, I guess, but mostly, the format should be Dan smoldering, Joe being adorable and me asking questions about their hair and children and craziest story they ever covered. And we'd sit on couches and talk with cocktails and canoodling. We could have a weekly archival highlight, a greatest hits reel, if you will.
"Tonight, Dan's coverage of the tragic yet fascinating events of September 11th! Tune in next week for Joe's story on that bitch who put a human finger in her chili!"
Finally, once a month, the most interesting person I've ever met in my life (Marin County Coroner, Ken Holmes) will stop by to report on any dicy bodies rolling through his office.
I'm giddy at the concept and encourage a letter writing campaign to Dan, Joe and any station willing to put us on the air at 2:13am...