Wednesday, September 24, 2008

happy birthday brian!

Just about a year ago, I was sitting at home alone feeling down in the dumps. I'd been invited to some blogger beer thing but was unmotivated to drive to some dive in the Lower Haight with a bunch of nerds I didn't know.
Back and forth I went, debating the pros and cons of making an appearance or wallowing into my chicken and stars at home.
It finally occur ed to me that I could die cold and alone with 47 cats if I remained a big chicken for the rest of my life, so I threw in some lip gloss and courage and headed over there.
Hours later, I ended up eating shwerma on a sidewalk with this wonderful man I met.
And today is his birthday.
I have no idea who or where I'd be if I'd never met Brian Devine. I'd probably be sitting at home still drinking soup out of a can.
So in honor of this momentous occasion, here are my Top 10 Favorite Things about Brian James Devine:
10: He's taller than me
9: He makes pasta and bread from scratch
8: He owns the only dog I actually like
7: He will gladly attend any event and stand in the corner with me, making fun of everyone
6: He never lets me pay for anything and when I ask why, he says, "Because it's Beth Day!"
5: He loves to scream in chants "9! Million! Dollars!" and doesn't care that he's the only one chanting
4: He will say anything to anyone, especially if they deserve it
3: He pre-orders me a Gibson if he gets there first
2: He can be funnier with one sentence than anything I've ever written in my life
1: Brian Devine would run through fire, leap tall buildings, throw himself in front of trains and take a bullet for me (and Melissa). He blows sunshine up my ass daily, showers me with undeserved praise, sprints to my defense and laughs at my stories. He knows every single goddamn humiliating thing about me and has never once judged a thing. He is kind and friendly to everyone until they give him reason not to be, in which case he turns into dry, witty bitch. He is brilliant and smart and generous and affectionate. Brian is gorgeous and hilarious and interesting and gifted in the culinary arts. Brian is someone I love very, very, very much and I thank God I went to that shitty bar...

6 comments:

Seana said...

That is a very sweet post. HBD Brian!

Sweet Melissa said...

I totally wrote this. In my head. Except instead meeting him in some crappy bar, I met Beth in some crappy bar who introduced me to him. I've never met a more loyal friend or a more aptly-named human being than Brian Devine.

Be_Devine said...

Beth skipped the part where, after mustering the courage to approach her, I accosted her at the lower Haight bar squeeling like a school girl and saying "Are you BETH SPOTSWOOD???" She might as well have been Judy Garland. Much to my delight, we became fast friends as we dribbled shawarma over ourselves on the sidewalk. The rest is history.

Now that I'm crying from your post, I need to remind you: every day IS Beth day!

HastingsChris said...

Great post! Every word Beth wrote about Brian is true! Happy Birthday!

Holly said...

aw, I want to be Brian's friend, too!

Anonymous said...

BLAKE IS DEVASTATED.