Back and forth I went, debating the pros and cons of making an appearance or wallowing into my chicken and stars at home.
It finally occur ed to me that I could die cold and alone with 47 cats if I remained a big chicken for the rest of my life, so I threw in some lip gloss and courage and headed over there.
Hours later, I ended up eating shwerma on a sidewalk with this wonderful man I met.
And today is his birthday.
I have no idea who or where I'd be if I'd never met Brian Devine. I'd probably be sitting at home still drinking soup out of a can.
So in honor of this momentous occasion, here are my Top 10 Favorite Things about Brian James Devine:
10: He's taller than me
9: He makes pasta and bread from scratch
8: He owns the only dog I actually like
7: He will gladly attend any event and stand in the corner with me, making fun of everyone
6: He never lets me pay for anything and when I ask why, he says, "Because it's Beth Day!"
5: He loves to scream in chants "9! Million! Dollars!" and doesn't care that he's the only one chanting
4: He will say anything to anyone, especially if they deserve it
3: He pre-orders me a Gibson if he gets there first
2: He can be funnier with one sentence than anything I've ever written in my life
1: Brian Devine would run through fire, leap tall buildings, throw himself in front of trains and take a bullet for me (and Melissa). He blows sunshine up my ass daily, showers me with undeserved praise, sprints to my defense and laughs at my stories. He knows every single goddamn humiliating thing about me and has never once judged a thing. He is kind and friendly to everyone until they give him reason not to be, in which case he turns into dry, witty bitch. He is brilliant and smart and generous and affectionate. Brian is gorgeous and hilarious and interesting and gifted in the culinary arts. Brian is someone I love very, very, very much and I thank God I went to that shitty bar...