Saturday, September 20, 2008

at least there were hot barrista boys...

Think of the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you. Right now. I mean it, the worst thing on Earth that could happen to you. Rack the depths of your imagination, no matter how painful and dark. Are you there?
Well, it just happened to me. 
That's right.
I got stuck behind strip mall security guards on their break at the Peet's condiment counter. 
Ugh, I hate these sinners. 
One packet of Equal. 
Stir, stir, stir. 
Another packer of Equal. 
Stir, stir, stir. 
One drop of milk. 
Stir, stir, SIP. 
Another drop of milk. 
Stir, stir, stir. 
All whilst blocking the entirety of the cream and sugar counter. I'm talking like a good 5 minutes, hunched over, completely aware of me and my sister in frustration. This poor woman had a kid in a stroller and what appeared to be a much needed latte. But these wanna-be bailiffs were taking their sweet, sew-on badge time. 
After all, they were on break from saving lives and linens at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 
Obviously, coffee custom states that when amending your beverage, you hustle and, if possible, make room for others. I don't care if you're fresh from the cargo hold of a freighter, all of God's children know this rule. Therefore, those that don't follow it deserve the death penalty. 
I realize I've bitched about this horrible crime against humanity before, but much like those that have gone before me in the struggle against injustice, I must continue my thankless work in the hopes that one day, perhaps even within my lifetime, we will see an end to such atrocities as I witnessed today.

1 comment:

Greg said...

you have a way of writing about stuff like this that makes it like, super hilarious.

I feel the same way when I'm in the express line and some bozo decides to pay in pennies, lint, and 1920s curse words at the Safeway.